Connections and Understandings
by buxy
Summary: !Sequel to The Wake-Up Call! After Commander Holleran only just prevented Team 1's rookie Nina Ruben from resigning from the SRU, the team deals with the fallout. Gradually, each member tries to mend what has been broken. Nobody wants to ruin this second chance at making Nina truly feel like she is part of their team, their family. Pre-Series AU
1. Connections and Understandings

**A guest reviewer requested a sequel to The Wake-Up Call. I had already planned on continuing the story, but the review gave me a little extra motivation :) Updates will still be slow and irregular since my priorities are on real life and other stories right now, but if you have any ideas or requests, my inbox is always open.**

**Also: I don't know how long this story or one-shot collection is going to be, but it probably won't cover anything from the show yet. So again, no Sam yet... But in the sequel to this (if you are interested in that, my dear readers), Sam will definitely show up :)**

* * *

Team 1 had received a rude awakening on their last call which had forced them to face a few home-truths. Nina Ruben, the team's rookie member of 15 weeks, had left her letter of resignation on Commander Holleran's desk and her parting words had been to congratulate the team on winning - in as much as getting rid of her. The discovery that the young woman had had the letter of resignation printed and ready for nearly 2 months had led to Holleran stiffly admonishing the elite team that had managed to turn the bright and dedicated former paramedic into a mere spectre.

Everyone had gone home with the day's events heavy in their minds and hearts and they reconvened at Sergeant Greg Parkers' house the next morning to discuss their failures and how to salvage what they had destroyed. They went over the transcripts, trying to re-evaluate their initial judgement of their newest team member. It brought a lot of guilt, quite a few bursts of self-recrimination and anger, some tears even. Having their mistakes black on white in front of them was tough and it was painful to see Nina offer less and less input with each time she was ignored or her suggestions rebuffed.

But it was a necessary evil that also brought insights. And change. With fresh eyes and a new perspective, they made some interesting discoveries, both about their rookie and about their own subconscious actions and decisions.

**...**

Lou remarked that Nina had a keen eye for details. "She notices the tiniest things", he said, finger tapping against a relevant segment of the transcript under his hand. "I think that also helps her read people so well."

Wordy agreed. "And she has an insanely good memory for maps." He outlined the countless incidents where Nina's extraordinary navigational skills had really stood out and made a difference. She knew dozens of shortcuts all over the city, was always aware of construction sites and road works that could hamper traffic and generally got them to their destination faster than the sat nav.

Jules admitted that thanks to Nina's suggested short cut, they'd shaved a good 5 minutes off their response time on their last call.

"It's the same for buildings", Spike threw in. "Either she has a photographic memory and just remembers the plans after seeing them once, or her sense of direction is just off the charts." He pointed at the transcript of a call they'd had at an old warehouse. "Those hallways were a maze and the plans outdated and useless. Nina led us back outside without one wrong turn. It was almost like there was an exit sign on every corner."

Lou nodded, remembering: "I asked her how she knew the way. She shrugged it off, said it was just luck." When in reality, the blonde had known exactly where to go. At least, that's what they all suspected.

Greg noted that Nina tended to downplay her own skill a lot. Or rather, she had started doing so after about two weeks, after Ed had questioned her about why she had been able to effortlessly pick the complex lock to an office.

The team leader scrubbed a hand down his face. "I shouldn't have pressed her like that", he sighed. "But..."

"I can understand why you were suspicious, Ed", Wordy jumped in to support his friend. "Especially since she only said that she'd had time to practice as a kid."

"Getting in her face about it was still wrong", Spike maintained. He didn't want to point fingers and throwing around accusations wouldn't get them anywhere, but it still needed to be said. They all needed to acknowledge their mistakes so they could change their ways.

**...**

The analysis of the transcripts as well as Greg and Ed's notes on evals and training exercises revealed several other things about the former paramedic.

Jules pointed out to Ed that he often - make that almost always - assigned Nina to less-lethal. At first, At first, he took it as just another sign of his prejudice against the blonde, but eventually, he recognised that a subconscious part of him had figured that as a paramedic, she'd be more comfortable with that position as it reduced the potential of her being forced to use lethal force.

They all agreed that she was a quick study. She never seemed to make the same mistake twice, picked up certain things almost by osmosis and figured others out on her own. Which was impressive, but it still sat wrong with the team because they knew part of it had been born from necessity. They had never taken the time to properly explain the rules to her, to discuss the reasoning behind their operation protocols. Without anyone giving her pointers, answering questions and mentoring her, Nina had been forced to adapt and find her own way.

Spike and Lou were also quick to confirm that Nina was a good team player and useful in the command truck. "She knows tons of people", Spike elaborated. "She has so many contacts everywhere."

Eventually, Greg concluded that their deplorable treatment of their rookie stemmed first and foremost from assumptions they had made.

"We didn't get to choose her like we usually do", he said. "She was placed on the team without much of an explanation other than that the teams are being expanded. This rubbed us all the wrong way - we wanted to pick our newest member and were upset that we didn't get to this time - and we had our opinion already before we met Nina. Everything from the first impression onwards only solidified our preconceptions."

Guilty silence settled over them.

"We should know better", Ed ground out, angry at himself. "We're trained to know better, to do better."

Wordy spoke up: "I think it would have been good to know what made Nina leave EMS and join the SRU. It was a pretty sudden move and it isn't the most obvious career progression, going from paramedic to police constable." Seeing the looks of hesitation on some of his team mates' faces, he added: "I respect that this is Nina's business and of course she has a right to her own privacy, but I also think it would help."

Greg sighed at the nods of agreement.

"Boss?", Ed prompted.

"It came up in her interview", he allowed, studying them. Curiosity, interest and mild concern dominated their expressions. "Nina didn't say much about the incident that ultimately caused her to leave EMS. She did say, however, that Commander Holleran offered her this job and she accepted because she needed a change of scenery. I talked to the Commander and he confirmed that while the incident wasn't Nina's fault, she still feels responsible."

"But what happened?", Jules wondered. "When I asked her why she left, she said the same thing, needing a change of scenery." She paused and grimaced, disgusted with her own insensitivity. "She looked guilty - for a short moment - so I asked what she did."

Spike scowled at her and there were several disapproving mutterings from around the table, but nobody interrupted her.

"She shrugged and said: 'Sat in the wrong seat'."

**...**

Spike had gone very quiet when the topic had shifted to the reason behind Nina joining the SRU. Lou, always tuned into his best friend's emotions, shot him an assessing look and quickly determined that he knew something, but couldn't or didn't want to say anything about it.

The sergeant decided that it would be up to Nina to tell them what happened since he himself didn't know the whole story either. He also didn't want to betray the young woman's trust and confidence in him any further.

The team accepted the decision and they took a break, giving them all time to get some air, have something to eat and let everything sink in. Lou fetched a drink for himself and Spike from the Boss' kitchen and headed back to the large table in the Boss' dining room. Spike, usually the first to jump at a chance to get up and stretch his legs after a period of sitting still, had yet to move from his seat.

"Spike?"

The Italian blinked at the glass of water that hadn't been in front of him before. "Sorry, buddy", he said with a sheepish smile. "I was just thinking."

Lou hummed and sat down. "You know something, don't you?" He saw no sense in dancing around the subject and so he chose the direct approach.

Spike sighed. "Yeah", he confirmed softly, fiddling with the edge of a page from one of the countless transcripts. "On the last call, the Boss had us looking into her personnel files, remember?"

Lou nodded, but stayed silent, waiting for his friend to continue.

"I dug a little deeper and found the incident reports...and more." Spike's mouth twisted and he looked at Lou, shaking his head. Sad guilt poured off him. "We really screwed up, buddy."

"I know", Lou agreed.

**...**

For all the pain and guilt it brought, the team proposed several ways to go about repairing (or actually establishing) their ruined rapport with Nina. Their actions and apathy had prevented any bonds of personal trust from forming. Even on a professional level, they had been forced to realise that Nina didn't have full confidence in them in as much as that she didn't expect them to have her back.

"It won't happen over night", Greg reminded them as they wrapped up late in the evening. "Nina might be a forgiving soul and she's obviously willing to give it another shot, but everybody has their limit. If we try too much too quickly, we'll likely end up pushing her away for good. So keep it simple."

"Slow and easy", Ed took over, nodding his head in agreement. "One step at a time. We're back on shift on Monday, we'll take it from there."

Team 1's sergeant smiled at them. "Go home and get some rest, enjoy your day off. Don't let the guilt eat you. We made a huge mistake, so let's learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Got it, Boss", the team chorused.


	2. The Second First Week

Over the weekend, while the rest of the team had been busy re-examining their own behaviour and going over everything with a fine-toothed comb, Nina had taken the time to do the same. She looked back on the past few months and worked on trying to understand what had made the team react to her in such a negative way.

The former paramedic knew that a substantial part of the resentment towards her came from the fact that her placement on Team 1 had been a top-down decision. From talking to members of the other teams and observing them as they selected their newest additions, it hadn't taken her long to figure that out. Choosing a new team member was usually a process that involved the entire team. Everyone got to meet the candidates and formed their opinions on them and ultimately, they picked the one they felt would be the best fit.

_They didn't get this choice with me._

When she had that thought, a voice from the darker parts of her minds whispered: _If they did, they wouldn't have picked_ _you_.

Jules' animosity wasn't too hard for Nina to explain. The other woman had been the only female in the SRU before and had therefore held something of a special status. Something that was obvious from the locker room sign that didn't say "women", but "Jules". And with another woman joining not only the SRU but the same team, Jules probably saw her subconsciously as a threat to her special status. And her way of dealing with this threat was to lash out, after the motto _Offense is the best defense._

Nina could understand the reaction. But she was still incredibly hurt, disappointed and also majorly confused as to how a trained profiler and sniper couldn't put aside her own emotions in order to form a more objective opinion.

**...**

As for the others? Nina hadn't expected them to welcome her with open arms. She had been prepared from them to be a little reserved and hesitant, but she hadn't expected so much disinterest and reluctance.

She had tried getting to know them and while Wordy and Spike - and to a lesser degree even Lou - readily talked about their families and lives outside of work, nobody had ever returned the courtesy. The Sarge obviously didn't like sharing information about his private life, which she respected, so she hadn't asked more than just the basics. And with Jules and Ed, she had quickly stopped trying since they made it very clear that they didn't like her.

It didn't help that Nina had no idea of Team 1's routines and unwritten rules. The only way she learned about those invisible lines was when she accidentally and unknowingly crossed them. Asking had led to snappish responses, eyerolls, shrugs and exasperated explanations that ended with "look it up in the handbook". So she had stopped asking as she'd be scolded, yelled at, mocked and humiliated anyways.

Members of the other teams and even the dispatchers had been infinitely more sympathetic and helpful.

Troy, Team 3's sergeant, had gone over protocol and procedures with her, taking the time to clarify the points that confused her. His teammate Jamie helped her make sense of certain habits and traditions all SRU members stuck to. Harrison, Team 4's team leader, had showed her where certain equipment was stored and explained the different uses of some of those items. Keira had clued her in on the fact that instead of calling him "Sir", Greg Parker was usually addressed as "Sarge" or "Boss". The only ones to call the sergeant by his first name were Ed and occasionally Wordy.

**...**

Nina knew that the rest of Team 1 was suspicious of her. She knew they wondered why she had left the paramedic service, but had anyone actually bothered asking her about it? No.

Well, she had skirted around the issue during her interview with Sarge and the previous day, Jules had wanted to know what she'd done. But nobody had thought to approach her and say something along the lines of "Hey, why did you leave EMS?" or "What made you decide to join the SRU?".

_Would you have answered if they asked?_ Nina was quite sure that she would have deflected, but the fact that they didn't respect her enough to ask her directly stung bitterly.

Suffice to say, her faith in her co-workers had not just been severely shaken, but in some cases practically obliterated.

* * *

Monday morning found Nina crossing the SRU personnel parking lot, hands tucked into her pockets. She hesitated before opening the door, taking a breath that was shaky with trepidation. The night before, she had resolved to adopt a wait-and-see attitude. She'd take it one step at a time, try to forgive them and move forward. She knew it was going to take time and maybe, it wasn't going to work out, but she would give it another chance.

Til the end of the next month. 7 weeks.

Saying hi to Peter at the dispatch desk and nodding to Alan from Team 4, the blonde headed to the locker rooms, where she stopped in front of the door again. Her gaze had caught on the locker room sign. Beneath the large letters spelling _JULES_ was written in thick, black sharpie: '& Nina'. A hesitant smile flickered across her face. Even if Jules was only trying to assuage her own guilt, it was a nice gesture.

**...**

Dressed in her uniform, Nina pulled her hair into a practical ponytail and headed to the vehicle bay to inventory the extensive first aid kits each of the SRU's trucks carried. Every month, these had to be checked to make sure the kits were well-stocked and their contents not past their expiration date. Additionnally, since she was a trained and certified Level III paramedic, Nina was allowed to carry more advanced equipment in a separate bag and those things also needed to be checked regularly.

Digging around in the aid kits, counting packages and ticking off items on her inventory list, the blonde made good progress and was soon done with her task. A glance at her watch told her that her shift would start in half an hour. Enough time to check any open BOLOs, APBs and other general notices.

As she skimmed over the information on one of the screens of the dispatch desk, a familiar voice said: "Good morning."

Lifting her head, Nina was met with Lou's placid expression. "Morning", she responded, more a reflex than a conscious decision.

"Anything interesting?", he asked with a small nod to the screen when he saw what she was reading.

Grateful for the neutral topic, she shrugged. "Nothing that really stands out. The APB on Marisol Caruso has been updated, she was spotted coming out of a pharmacy in Scarborough Junction last night." She closed the page and rounded the counter to follow him into the briefing room where she could see the Sarge already in conversation with Wordy and Jules.

**...**

Ed decided that the first part of their shift would be best spent training. The focus would be on hand-to-hand and negotiation because their last evals showed the biggest room for improvements there. "And we'll definitely work on rappelling, too", he said. "Speed is of essence there, we can't afford to be slow."

That cheered Nina up a little because if there was one thing she was really good at apart from treating those in need of medical attention, it was rappelling. She liked bouldering and rock climbing in her free time and had been doing it for years now.

Though - and her stomach clenched nervously at the thought - when they had been training at the climbing wall a few weeks ago, she had lost her grip and fallen. Automatically reaching out, she had quickly caught herself on a jut, pulling a shoulder muscle in the process. Ed, who had been on belay, had been furious with her for what he had called a "stupid, reckless stunt". She hadn't had the energy to explain to him that it was an instinctual reaction, born from the combination of frequently climbing alone and not fully trusting him to catch her fall.

Rationally, she knew Ed (or anyone from the team) wouldn't purposely let her fall. They had never actively injured her, after all. But emotionally? Well, that was a whole different story.

**...**

Hand-to-hand was something Nina wasn't too comfortable with. Sure, she could handle herself and being a paramedic had made her extremely good at dodging sharp objects and various limbs. She also had no trouble restraining agitated people twice her size for the same reason. But fighting somebody like this, in unarmed combat, one against one, just felt so personal.

She studied Wordy with a wary gaze, shifting her stance. It was easy to forget that he was a tall and strong guy because Wordy was generally such a mild-mannered and kind person. He was the doting father that could talk for hours about his amazing wife Shelley and his wonderful daughters, the cool-headed, steady presence the team could rely on to soothe heated tempers and troubled minds.

But right now, Nina was starkly reminded that Wordy was also a capable police constable, the team's entry and CQC expert.

She lasted a grand total of 47 seconds before she was flat on her back on the mat, pinned and quietly scared by her inability to move. Tapping out, she quickly scooted backwards and rolled to her feet, breathing heavily.

"That was pretty good", Wordy praised.

Nina shot him a disbelieving look. Good? Was he joking? "You took me down in under a minute", she said with a shake of her head, reaching for her water bottle.

He smiled and took a swig of his own water. "I just got a lucky break", he explained. "You're damn good at evasion."

She shrugged, unsure of what to say in response to the unexpected compliment.

"Do you want to go again?", Wordy offered, sensing her discomfort.

Nina nodded.

**...**

After cashing in another defeat, Nina blew out a breath, rolled her shoulders and asked: "How did you get out of that hold?"

"Here, I'll show you."

Wordy demonstrated the technique, moving slowly so Nina could feel what he was doing. Then he showed her the motions, offering tips and pointing out errors as she followed along, hazel eyes full of intent focus.

"Now you try", he said, mirroring the hold she had used on him.

Tentative at first, she turned her body and positioned her hands the way he had taught her. Confidence growing, her movements became more fluid as she twisted, levered and eventually slipped out of his hold.

"Good job." Wordy still hated the surprise that flashed in her eyes before a small smile quirked up the blonde's mouth, but it was progress from the blatant shock that had covered her face when he had asked whether she was alright a measly few days ago.

* * *

The week passed in a blur of training, hot calls and tentative, careful attempts to right the wrongs committed. Greg took the time to speak to Nina privately on the first day, offering his sincere and genuinely remorseful apologies for not doing his job properly and leaving her to fend for herself. He admitted that he didn't have a good explanation and all he could say for himself was that he had been too wrapped up in his own emotions and preconceived notions to see what was happening right before his eyes.

For her part, Nina expressed her understanding that it had been a difficult and unexpected situation for everyone. "I know I didn't join the team the usual way and I understand that this upset you all and affected the team dynamics. And I know that had you been allowed to pick your newest team member yourself, I probably wouldn't have made the short list." But despite her disappointment and hurt (which she still did her best to hide), the former paramedic thanked the Sarge for his apology and promised to give the team another chance.

That wasn't to say that she was willing to blindly forgive and forget. Still, she tried her best not to second-guess every of her coworkers' words and actions towards her.

**...**

It was easy to have a civil, collegial relationship with Lou. He was calm and level-headed, not one to talk much and likely the person that knew her professional skills best. He respected and didn't comment on her hesitancy, kept conversations light and from going too far past small-talk levels and made a point to involve her and ask her opinion with they were discussing topics unrelated to their work.

Similar with Wordy. He was respectful and empathetic, gave her advice and explanations when he saw that she didn't know or understand something. He accepted the fact that she wasn't entirely comfortable around the team, especially not in social settings, and didn't expect her to simply lose her reservations.

He was also the first to give her his private phone number, both landline and mobile. "Just in case you ever need something", he told her, eyes warm and voice serious. Just like with everything else, he offered and let her decide whether to accept or decline.

Spike was already a bit more difficult. Nina knew he was an energetic, upbeat and generally likeable person. But it was hard for her to forget the countless pranks he'd subjected her to. Some harmless, but many borderline humiliating. On the other hand, though, he had also defended her against Jules' snide jab about her mother not teaching her how to feed herself. And it was plain across his expressive features that he was distressed by the pain he had - most likely without meaning to - caused her.

The pranks had stopped, as had the teasing. Like everyone, including Nina, Spike was testing the waters. He made sure to include her into conversation, volunteered to pair with her on patrol (she wasn't quite sure yet if it wasn't part of an elaborate ploy or joke) and tried to put a smile on her face as much as he could with innocent jokes and outlandish stories.

The Sarge... If she was being honest with herself, she was a bit bitter about his lack of support and guidance. As a negotiation expert, she would have expected him to recognise the signs and put a stop to his team's behaviour a lot sooner. But he had apologised and made a real effort to check in with her and make sure she was alright. And he also extended a standing invitation to talk about any of their hot calls and review the used negotiation techniques. Nina had yet to take him up on that, but she might just do that at some point in the near future.

**...**

The two people the blonde struggled most with were of course Jules and Ed.

Jules kept her distance, for which Nina was grateful. The two women didn't interact much apart from basic "hello"s and "see you tomorrow"s in the locker room and Nina was okay with that. Jules had made unfounded insinuations and disparaging comments without knowing anything about her so Nina remained especially close-lipped about personal topics around her for fear of having them turned against her and thrown back in her face. Maybe it was irrational and over-dramatic, but right now, she was functioning under the better safe than sorry principle.

And then there was Ed. He was still tough on her, even though he didn't immediately yell at her for every little thing anymore. Frankly, the former paramedic was intimidated by her team leader. With him, she constantly felt off-balance and unsure. Would he shout at her again? Ignore her when she volunteered for a task and either pick somebody else or come up with an alternative plan? Reprimand her for something that wasn't her fault?

Around Ed, Nina kept her head down and her mouth shut. She did her best to follow his orders and only spoke up if she was absolutely sure that her suggestion would make a huge difference. On hot calls, the lives of the subjects and bystanders always were the first priority, no matter how much she wanted to avoid any sort of conflict with her team leader.

* * *

Despite the progress, Nina was glad when the week was over and their team's day off came. This constant uncertain apprehension, the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop, was exhausting. Which made the messages blinking on her phone all the more uplifting.

Word of the incident involving Michael Loretz and Nina Ruben had spread quickly in EMS and first responder circles and many of her old shiftmates and friends had reached out. Virtually all of her former colleagues from station 26 had texted her, apologised for not being there when she obviously needed them and asked for her to stop by so that any and all misunderstandings could be cleared up in person.

Several others expressed their concern and sympathy about what happened with Michael and wanted to make sure that she was okay. Numerous invitations (for tea, to lunch/dinner, to go for a few drinks...) were extended.

Milo texted her daily, telling her about his day, about people he had met in the hospital, about his therapy session, about the case against his now ex-girlfriend Jennifer Decourcy. He always asked about her day too and reminded her to take care of herself.

**...**

As she flopped onto her couch, a re-run of an old episode of The A-Team playing on the tv, Nina scrolled through the messages. A true smile splayed across her features, hazel eyes alight with life and amusement. She even laughed out loud at the message from one of her former shiftmates, Charlotte Altanbaataryn.

**Charlotte:** _Just delivered a patient to Michael Garron, kept asking for you. His name was Henry Vogaunbert, but he said to call him Foghorn or Foggie? Ring a bell?_

Nina giggled. Foggie, as the man had insisted to be called, had been a frequent client of hers. She texted her friend back, confirming that she knew the man and told her to ask for the story behind the nickname.

Less than a minute later, her phone plinged with a reply.

**Charlotte: **_He was very disappointed when I told him that you didn't work at station 26 anymore. But he also said: "Well, Miss Ruben will forever be in my heart, but you two are also angels". Can Sarah and I expect to be called angels from now on?_

'Definitely', Nina typed back. 'Until he finds another nickname for you.'_  
_

**Charlotte:** _What was yours?_

'Rowena. Or Lady Rowena. He loves literature.'

**...**

When Charlotte hadn't written back two minutes later, Nina chalked it up to her being on duty and out on a run. She didn't mind, knowing that her friend would text back at her earliest convenience. Chuckling at the memory of her first encounter with Foggie, she put her mobile phone onto the coffee table and went to the fridge to see what she could cobble together for dinner.

The contents of her fridge were minimalistic, but it was enough for some scrambled eggs.

"I need to go to the store tomorrow", the blonde told herself as she whisked the eggs and added some milk. Chives and seasonings joined the mixture and ten minutes later, Nina stood at the kitchen counter with a full plate in front of her. Putting forkfuls of scrambled eggs into her mouth at semi-regular intervals, she wrote a shopping list with her other hand, occasionally turning away to open a cabinet or cupboard.

_Did I really only have a box of cereal, a pack of plain pasta and some orange juice_ _left?_, Nina mused. She hadn't even noticed. Then she tried to think back to last week when she'd gone grocery shopping. _How did I not notice that? _She clearly remembered checking the fridge and cupboards like always. But she also remembered distinctly that her shopping list had been extremely short, hardly more than a few staples.

"Huh. Guess I forgot."


	3. The First Connection

A week later, Nina and Spike were trying to find the former partner of a subject who had barricaded himself inside his office, holding his secretary hostage. The man wasn't home, but his house might still yield some information. Spike sifted through the stacks of paper in the study while Nina inspected the other rooms.

Entering the kitchen, she froze. "Shit."

The stove was on, a distinct smell permeating the room. The wads of paper stuffed into the toaster were seconds away from ignition.

Rushing out of the room, she raised her voice to holler for Spike. "Spike! Bomb!"

He came running. "Where?"

"No time! Run!"

**...**

Across town, the rest of Team One cringed as feedback shrieked through their ears.

"Spike?", Ed asked. "Ruben, what happened?"

"Spike, Nina, talk to me", Greg demanded.

They received no response.

"Sarge, 911 just had several calls about an explosion at 54 Bartley Drive", Kira announced two minutes later. "Fire Department's on the way."

* * *

Nina came to with a groan that instantly turned into a hacking cough. Her ears were ringing, her head and side hurt and she couldn't breathe. Forcing her eyes open, she noted that Albert Russeau's home was in shambles and on fire. The smoke was thick, irritating her lungs and making her eyes water. _What happened? Oh right...bomb. Spike!_

Coughing again, she got onto all fours. "Spike?!", she called, prompting another round of coughing. "Spike, answer me!"

Getting no answer, the blonde tugged her shirt up to cover her nose and mouth before beginning to work her way through the rubble at a slow crawl. The heat was stifling. Her left side ached something fierce, flaring painfully with each cough and panting breath.

A loud crash made her flinch. A part of the ceiling came down, sending burning hot debris in all directions. Sparks flew up and searing soot particles rained down on her. Nina choked on a pained cry. Squinting through the black haze of smoke, she could vaguely recognise a man-shaped silhouette up ahead. Scrambling over smouldering embers and pieces of furniture, she ignored the sting of pain briefly spiking through her palm.

"Spike!" She nearly collapsed in relief when she saw the smoke-blurred figure move.

Spike rolled onto his side, spotted her. "Nina!", he choked out between rattling coughs.

"C'mon", she wheezed, hands grabbing a fistful of his vest, "we have to" - cough - "get out of here." Wheeze. Cough. "Stay low. Cover your nose and mouth."

**...**

The subject, Carl Burnett, was quickly persuaded to surrender once he heard that his former partner's apartment had blown up. He had only wanted Albert to confess to stealing his research and repurposing it for his own goals. He had never wanted for anyone to get hurt and he was horrified to learn that his former partner obviously had no qualms about that. He released his hostage, dropped the gun and let himself be arrested without any resistance.

As soon as the subject was in custody, Team One raced to Bartley Drive. It had been nearly 20 minutes since their last contact with Spike and Nina.

"Spike, Ruben, status!", Ed barked for what felt like the hundredth time. Still, they only received static in return.

**...**

Nina's legs buckled as Spike doubled over in another coughing fit. She wasn't far behind, dropping to her knees and fighting for breath. The heat was now almost unbearable, the building crumbling around them more and more with each passing minute. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

"Almost there", she rasped, grunting in pain when Spike's hand accidentally bumped the left side of her torso. He was only semi-conscious, dazed from a dangerous combination of smoke inhalation and a concussion. "C'mon, Spike, hang in there."

She adjusted her hold on him and forced herself to pull them both up from the floor. They had to get out of here. She was virtually blind, the smoke too thick, too much grit and dirt in her eyes. All she had to go on was her sense of direction and her memory of the apartment's layout before the gas explosion had reduced it to a burning pile of rubble.

Spike sagged against her, nearly bringing them down again. Nina's side screamed in protest, but she hauled him a bit more upright, free hand bracing against a creaking door jamb. Breathless, syllables blurring together, she whispered again: "Almost there. Hang on, Spike, hang on, we're almost there."

* * *

At first glance, it was impossible to see who was supporting who when the two soot- and grime-covered SRU officers stumbled through the front door only minutes after the rest of their team had reached the scene. But a second glance revealed that Nina was carrying most of Spike's weight, her slim frame shaking under the strain of holding up her colleague while hacking coughs wracked their bodies.

Team One surged forward as one along with several paramedics and firefighters, reaching them just before they could tumble down the front steps.

**...**

Nina was dimly aware of hands catching her. She let herself be pulled to her feet, staggering along as she was led away from the blazing heat behind her. In between coughs, she gulped in a breath of fresh air, grateful for the steadying hands that guided her into lying down. Grass cushioned her controlled fall.

_Spike. _She turned her head. Where was Spike? He'd been right next to her a moment ago. "Spike?!" Her throat hurt, her lungs protested as she retched up smoke.

"Easy, he's okay, settle down. It's okay, Oz is with him."

Through the blur of her watering eyes, she could make out Spike a few feet away. He was in a similar position as her, prone on the ground, a cluster of people in uniform around him. A hand turned her head and suddenly all she saw was sky. Her chest hurt from all the coughing, a stabbing pain coursing through her side with each jerking breath.

Her eyes squeezed shut.

"Here we go, Roo, just try to take some deep, slow breaths."

Somewhere in her hazy mind, she recognised the voice as belonging to Toby Logan, a paramedic she knew well. A mask was placed over her nose and mouth and with every inhale she managed, she breathed in sweet oxygen.

"There we go." He sounded pleased. She could hear his gentle smile. "Now just take it easy and let the oxygen do it's job, okay?"

She nodded, pulled a face as the motion made her head swim. _Concussion_, the paramedic part of her brain supplied. Another coughing spell had her curling in on herself despite her side's fervent protests. Thankfully, the pure oxygen was starting to take effect, the fuzziness slowly lifting from her mind.

"Can you tell me where you hurt?"

So he hadn't missed her wince. Of course he hadn't. He was good at his job.

She waved an uncoordinated hand towards her left side and tapped her ears that were still buzzing a little. A vague circle over her chest indicated the pain of her respiratory tract complaining of too much smoke and too little oxygen. The gestures were accompanied by a hoarse self-diagnosis.

Bruised ribs - no, not broken, quite sure of that. Concussion, mild most likely. Smoke inhalation - don't think there's any burns to the airways. "Eyes are irritated..." She motioned towards the tears still running down her face and stopped mid-movement, frowning at her palm. "And I burned my hand", she finished lamely, lowering the injured appendage again. To her ears, her voice sounded like she had gargled with gravel.

Toby smiled at her. "Gotcha. Just relax, okay, breathe as deep as you can."

**...**

He examined her with all the diligence and care that made him a great paramedic, keeping up a running commentary as he checked her nose, mouth and throat for inhalation trauma, felt for broken bones and found a small bump on the back of her head. He took off her tac vest and set it aside, opening her uniform shirt and black t-shirt to check her side. No apparent breaks, nothing shifting under his hand. Despite her wheezing breaths and hoarse coughs, her lungs showed no signs of congestion.

Her hand was inspected. Cooling saline numbed the pain a little, then a burn ointment was applied and the injury wrapped with a sterile bandage. Then, Toby turned his attention to Nina's red, smoke-irritated eyes. "Let's flush those peepers of yours, alright?"

"Yay", the blonde mumbled, not looking forward to the uncomfortable procedure.

Toby chuckled, taking the return of her humour as a good sign.

**...**

"How's Spike?", she asked again while trying not to squirm as cool saline trickled into her eyes to get rid of any soot and dirt still in there. A cough sent a sharp pang of pain through her torso, making her flinch.

Toby assured her that her colleague was doing fine. Gently dabbing away the saline that had run down her face, he called over to his partner.

"Smoke inhalation, concussion. Superficial cuts and bruises, minor burn below the collar", was Ozman Bey's diagnosis, the tone of his voice already enough to reassure Nina that Spike's condition wasn't too serious. "Unconscious, but his vitals are good."

Her response was muffled under the oxygen mask, but Toby heard it and passed it on. "Roo says thanks."

"Aw", Oz returned with a laugh, inflection teasing. "Anything for you, Nina."

She smiled and closed her eyes. They no longer hurt, but they were still tearing a little. Plus, the headache that had started throbbing in her skull was a lot more bearable without the sunlight stabbing daggers into her pupils. Her chest hitched with another cough, face scrunching up in discomfort.

"Do you want to sit up or stay down?", Toby asked.

Nina deliberated for a brief moment. Lying on her back was less painful on her bruised ribs, but sitting up would help her breathing. And less coughing would also mean less pain in this case. "Up", she eventually decided, shielding her eyes to squint at her friend.

"Think you can make it to the ambulance?", Toby checked, carefully helping her into a sitting position. She'd be most comfortable in the back of the ambulance where she could sit on the step and lean against the wall.

"Yeah."

**...**

The few steps to the ambulance left Nina sweating, exhausted and leaning heavily on Toby. She had her eyes firmly shut, trusting him to guide her while she focused on managing her breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.

Toby expertly balanced her weight as she sank down onto the step on the back of the ambulance. "There we go. Lean back. Okay. How's that feel?"

"Better." Her voice was strained and breathless and she knew she was shaking, but it wasn't a lie. The upright position improved the cough, made breathing easier and with her back supported, her ribs weren't too overtaxed either. "Thanks."

Toby gave her a light pat on the shoulder. "Alright, you take it easy, I'll just be over there with Oz if you need anything."

"Mhm."

At the back of her mind, Nina registered the presence of one of her colleagues, but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes to check. Everything hurt and she really just wasn't ready to face anyone from her team anyways. She was too exhausted (and overwhelmed). Except... Spike. Was he okay? She slowly cracked open an eyelid. With no more bright sunlight assaulting her retinas, the pain in her head didn't increase by much as she focused on her not-so-blurry-anymore surroundings.

Spike had apparently come around because Oz was helping him sit up while Lou knelt behind his buddy to prop him up. He was pale under the soot streaking his face and there was some blood smudged on his skin as well, but he was alive, breathing and - from the looks of it - talking. An oxygen mask was fitted over his nose and mouth and the two paramedics were preparing to flush out his eyes.

Content that he was fine and in good hands, Nina let her eyelids slide shut again. Tension bled out of her frame as she leant her head back and settled into the semi-comfortable, comfortingly familiar position. She had sat in this spot many times before, though usually not as a patient. After long days and tough runs or even just during a break, she and her partners - first Milo, then Benny - had often lounged in the back of their rig, feet either dangling or propped up on the step.

* * *

Wordy had stepped in when Nina had become agitated, struggling to get up, calling for Spike. He crouched down and placed his hands on her shoulders, stopping her attempt while the paramedic - his name tag said Logan - soothed her. It was astounding to watch how quickly Nina settled down, reacting almost instantly to the calming voice if not to the words.

His job done, Wordy took a step back, giving the paramedic space to work, but he still lingered. The rest of the team was hovering around Spike, who appeared to be unconscious. But if the other paramedic's expression and behaviour was anything to go by, the bomb tech wasn't too badly hurt. Satisfied that his friend was taken care of, he turned his attention back to his other team mate.

Her face was smudged and pale, blood from little cuts and scrapes peppering her skin, her blond hair dirty with ash and grime. She sounded horrible, the wheezing breaths and rattling coughs making him wince. She was obviously in pain, grimacing as the coughs wracked her slim body, but to his amazement, Nina was still coherent and alert enough to give Logan a surprisingly clear and detailed self-diagnosis. God, her voice sounded terrible. His throat ached in sympathy just from hearing her.

Wordy had to smile when the young woman asked about Spike once more while her eyes were flushed out. The subsequent exchange between the three paramedics who clearly knew each other quite well was interesting. He had never seen Nina so relaxed, never seen her smile so fondly at the sound of somebody's voice. It was both uplifting and a kick in the gut. A sobering reminder of their reprehensible treatment of their co-worker.

He followed when Nina decided to relocate to the back of the waiting ambulance. He was sorely tempted to just lift the blonde into his arms and carry her because of how hard it was on her, but the paramedic had everything under control and the last thing he wanted to do was overwhelm her.

Instead, he just stayed nearby as Logan got her comfortable on the step in the back of the ambulance, looking over to Spike to see how he was doing. He kept an ear out for any change in Nina's breathing - the coughing seemed to have improved and she wasn't wheezing anymore - and for any movement on her part, but otherwise let her be. It was clear that she was exhausted and hurting.

Her tac vest lay in his lap, stained with soot and dust, reeking of smoke.

* * *

Spike was led over to the ambulance, Lou and Oz holding him up with strong hands on his biceps. Team One's Italian tech enthusiast was wobbly on his feet, but with a man on either side of him, he slowly but steadily made his way across the lawn.

Wordy smiled at him and asked: "How are you feeling, buddy?"

"Like a smoked herring", came the indistinct reply from behind the oxygen mask.

Wordy laughed. It couldn't be too bad if Spike's humour was still intact.

Spike's reddened, tearing eyes fell on Nina sat on the step, eyes closed, back leaning against the ambulance.

Stepping around them, Logan placed a hand on the blonde's elbow. "Alright, Roo, let's get you into the bus", he coaxed, his hand moving up to slot under her shoulder.

Nina followed his guiding hands without opening her eyes, a show of trust nobody from Team One had ever witnessed before. Without hesitation, she got up and climbed the step into the back of the ambulance, years of routine in her weary movements. Wordy suddenly remembered the day they had sat in Greg's dining room, discussing their newest team member and talking about her excellent spatial awareness and recall.

Logan didn't seem surprised, simply steadied her and asked: "Bench or gurney?"

"Bench", she rasped, already moving in the right direction.

Wordy saw Spike wince out of the corner of his eye. Yeah, she sounded horrible.

**...**

Nina was quickly settled on the bench, a disposable blanket folded under her head serving as a pillow. Her upper body was propped up to help her breathing. Wordy handed her tac vest off to the paramedics and stepped aside to let Lou and Oz help Spike into the ambulance. He was uncoordinated and tilted precariously each time he had to lift one leg, but he made it and gratefully sank onto the gurney where Oz got him ready for transport.

Lou hopped out and the two SRU officers watched as the pair of paramedics made sure their patients were comfortable.

"Don't give Toby here too much trouble, alright Roo?", Oz teased, giving the woman's bent knee a light clap.

They couldn't hear her response or see her expression, but judging by the paramedics' matching grins, she'd given a humorous reply. Oz patted her knee again, then jumped out. Wordy and Lou took a step back so he could close the back doors. He did so without haste. A good sign.

"Where are you taking them?", Wordy asked. The others would want to know, too, so they could stop by after shift.

"St Michael's."

They nodded, thanked him and went to join their team mates.

* * *

The trip to the hospital was a blur to Nina. She'd dozed off at some point during transit, escaping the shrill whine of the siren that had replaced the buzzing in her ears.

She was roused by a hand on her shoulder. It took her a long moment to get her bearings. Hospital. St Michael's by the looks of the ambulance bay. Spike on the gurney next to her. Toby looking down on her, speaking to her.

"-easy, okay?"

Her bruised ribs protested the change of position, the choked gasp prompting a round of painful coughing. Competent, familiar hands braced her, held her up when her legs weren't ready to carry her weight.

"It's okay, Nina, we got you."

A brief smile stretched her lips. "Thanks, Harper", she mumbled to the orderly who carefully deposited her in a wheelchair. Her eyelids slipped closed, dizziness making her stomach turn unpleasantly.

**...**

After being thoroughly examined, having her suspicions confirmed - bruised ribs, concussion, smoke inhalation, first degree burns on her palm - and getting her eyes flushed a second time, Nina was transfered to a room. She hadn't exactly been surprised by the doctor's declaration that she would have to stay overnight for observation. Sighing, she refrained from rubbing her eyes and settled back against the pillow.

A nurse she wasn't familiar with had taken away her uniform, promising that it would be returned to her freshly laundred. Carrol, one of the nurses she knew quite well, had helped her wash the smell of smoke and fire off her, which Nina greatly appreciated. Washing your hair wasn't easy when you could hardly raise your left arm above shoulder level without passing out. And Carrol had brought her a set of nice clean scrubs to change into after her shower. Nina could have kissed her for that.

"Don't worry", Carrol said when Nina asked about Spike. "Your friend is getting settled in a room down the hall as we speak. He's doing alright." She began drying Nina's hair, the towel soft against her scalp.

The blonde hummed an acknowledgement before requesting: "Would you mind bringing him some scrubs, too? Hospital gowns are functional and all, but they're not comfortable."

"No problem, Nina. I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

Closing her eyes, Nina let Carrol's ministrations lull her into a comfortable state somewhere between doze and wakefulness.

She thought about the last two weeks, about the efforts the team had made to include her. Some were more overt and welcoming, others were more hesitant and cautious, but the hostility had ceased for the most part. Ed hadn't yelled at her, though he was still very frank in telling her when she'd screwed up. Jules hadn't shot any barbed comments at her, but on the other hand, the two of them hardly spoke if it wasn't work-related. Still, it was a nice change.

But as the saying went: Once burnt, twice shy.

She hadn't entirely forgiven them. The comments, the dressing-downs, the pranks, they had hurt her. A lot. And what had hurt even more was the indiffernce, the callous disinterest and the inaction. Team One was supposed to be the best team on the SRU. And yet, none of them had thought to step in. Nobody had ever bothered sticking up for her. Well...not until the day she almost quit.

To this day, Nina didn't know why Wordy had asked if she was alright when they drove back from that call. Just like she still wondered what had prompted him, Lou and Spike to come to her defence when Jules made that crack about her mom not teaching her how to cook.

* * *

Unable to sleep due to the headache, Nina had eventually turned on the tv. She flicked through the channels, trying to find something that could hold her interest. Not that she held on too much hope. Day-time tv was rather boring by nature and so she ended up watching some French-Canadian soap opera. Not that she was paying much attention. She was too tired to keep up with the rapid dialogue and confusing relationship drama. In all honesty, there was enough drama in her own life right now, so she didn't exactly have the energy to care about the contrived struggles of fictional people.

_Knock-knock._

She turned her head. Spike was hovering in the doorway, one shoulder against the door jamb. He looked hesitant, not an expression Nina would commonly associate with the lively tech expert.

"Hey Spike", she greeted, giving him a smile. "Have a seat." Even if she didn't know why he was here, he was still a bit pale and not entirely stable on his feet and she'd rather not have him collapse and injure himself further.

"Thanks." He gingerly lowered himself into the chair standing next to the bed, eyes travelling up to the tv screen. His eyebrows rose. "Is that A Guy and A Girl?" He paused, the language registring. "In French?" He blinked at her, somewhere between confused and incredulous.

Nina shrugged awkwardly with one shoulder. "Yeah...it's the only halfway decent thing on right now", she explained, using the moment to assess him.

Some small cuts littered his face and there was a bandage on the side of his neck that disappeared below the fabric of his scrub top. His eyes, much like her's, were slightly reddened still, but with all the dust and blood washed away, he looked miles better than he had a scant few hours before.

**...**

"I thought you might like some company", Spike offered without prompting. "And...I wanted to come say thank you and, ah...apologise."

He immediately had her full attention. A number of emotions mixed in her hazel eyes as she watched him, intrigued, surprised and cautious at the same time.

"Say thank you?", she parrotted, brows furrowing. "For what?"

And if that didn't say a lot about Nina Ruben right there. "For saving my life", he answered. "I wouldn't have made it out of that building if it hadn't been for you."

The blonde smiled softly, gaze dropping away. Colour rose in her cheeks. "I'd like to think you would have done the same", she said quietly in the direction of her blanket-covered knees.

She froze as soon as the words left her mouth.

Spike swallowed.

Her head snapped up. "God, I'm sorry, that was so horrible of me! I shouldn't have said that", she said in a rush. Horrified regret tinged her tone, painted her features as she stared at him, eyes wide and apologetic.

Spike shook his head and said: "No, no, you're right. You couldn't know for sure." He had to look away for a moment. "We treated you like crap and never made sure that you were okay, so why should you trust us to save you?" He forced himself to meet her gaze even though he didn't want to see the pain he'd find there, the pain he'd helped put there with his own actions and inactions.

"I am so sorry. I'm sorry for all the stupid and horrible things I said and did to you and for not saying or doing anything when I should have. We, _I _screwed up and I'm sorry that I hurt you so badly. I know that this won't make it all go away, but...for what it's worth, I'm glad you stayed because...I'd really like to get to know you."

**...**

Nina was floored by the honest and straight-forward apology. Sure, Spike was a sincere and perceptive person with a big heart, she knew that. He had volunteered to partner with her on patrol multiple times over the past two weeks and had been very nice and helpful all around. But she hadn't expected him to be so candid about his mistakes. It was touching and the hollow ache in her chest that had started fading a little since the hostilities had ceased shrunk more.

A slow smile spread on her face. "Thank you, Spike", she said. "Really. I appreciate your apology, it means a lot. I can't just forgive and forget everything that happened - I wish I could - but..." She hesitated for a moment before deciding to take a leap of faith. "Do you think we can start over?"

Sheer, unadulterated joy lit up Spike's features. "Yeah", he affirmed enthusiastically, practically grinning from ear to ear. "Yeah, of course." His expression fell again and he said: "But, before that, you need to know something."

He confessed that he had read her personnel files during the Michael Loretz call. He apologised for invading her privacy and swore that he'd never tell anyone what he had read. "I didn't read all of it", he told her earnestly. "I closed them when I saw how personal all of it was."

The smile, which had dropped in confused worry, returned to Nina's face, widening. "It's alright, Spike", she assured him, shifting so she could turn towards him a little more. A pained grimace flashed over her features, but quickly smoothed out again once she had found a comfortable position. "You were doing your job. But thanks for telling me."

He flashed her a grin, energy and good cheer back up. "Now, about starting over." He extended his hand, cleared his throat and offered: "Hi, I'm Michelangelo Scarlatti, but people call me Spike. It's nice to meet you."

Nina giggled and played along, shaking the proffered hand with her bandaged one. "Nice to meet you, too, Spike. I'm Nina Ruben."

They laughed together and continued the conversation in the same vein, asking each other some basic introductory questions and talking about everyday things.

And so, the first apology was accepted and the first connection formed.


	4. The Second Connection

Nina had been oddly subdued all day. Not just quiet and reserved like she usually was around the team. Lou couldn't quite put his finger on it, but if he'd had to guess, he would have said that she was sad.

After a hot call resolved itself peacefully and within a relatively short amount of time (it had taken the Sarge 27 minutes and 9 seconds to convince the couple in the midst of a messy divorce that had been arguing heatedly - read: screaming at each other, throwing plates, destroying furniture and ultimately pointing knives at each other - to put down their weapons), Lou and Nina drove back to the barn together.

"Are you alright?", Lou asked, studying her from the passenger seat.

Hazel eyes flashed to him and back to the road. A shrug twitched slim shoulders. "I've been better", she admitted, glancing in the mirror and over her shoulder before making the turn off the main road.

The admission itself was enough to get Lou's curiosity and concern to ratchet up a notch.

"Is it about the call we just had?", he wondered, reasonably sure that this wasn't the case. She had already been in this off mood when she'd come in this morning.

The small smile flickering over her lips told him that she had recognised his questioning technique. "No, it isn't", she said, easing off the accelerator as they approached the end of a line at a traffic light. "There was this story on the news this morning, about the homeless boy that was beaten into unconsciousness?"

Lou nodded. "Yeah, I think I saw that one. He was protecting his friend, wasn't he?"

"Mh-hm." The light jumped to green and the column started moving.

**...**

"His name - the boy that was attacked - is Liam", Nina began almost absently as she steered the SRU truck across the intersection and further along the route that would take them to HQ. "He ran away from home at 15, has been living on the streets on and off since then. I first met him three years ago on patrol." She shook her head at the memory.

Lou sat up a little. It was rare that Nina volunteered a story, so he wanted to listen closely.

"Liam was running a fever and it turned out that he had double pneumonia, too."

They reached another traffic light, one that was infamous for its long red phases. Nina shifted into neutral, reconsidered and turned off the engine before continuing the story.

"We took him to the hospital. On the way, he talked to me. He didn't say much about why he was on the street, just that he didn't want to go back home. I didn't ask. I told him about the homeless shelters and soup kitchens, told him that he might consider spending the nights in a warm place instead of a cold, drafty back alley. He promised.

We dropped him off at the hospital and then, I didn't see him again for several months. We didn't come across him on patrol and he wasn't at any of the usual hangouts, so I figured he'd taken my advice. Then, purely by chance, we met again. He introduced me to his best friend and from then on, I would see the two of them from time to time, on and off duty. They always said hi and stopped for a small chat. And I got to know them more as they started trusting me."

The former paramedic turned the engine back on. Two seconds later, the light turned green. Lou was impressed with her sense of timing and intimate knowledge of Toronto's traffic.

**...**

Again, there was a pause as Nina navigated the streets, making a righthand turn. Lou was stunned to realise that she had deliberately missed a shortcut he had seen her take many times before.

She cleared her throat. "As I said, I saw Liam again a couple of months after we first met, at the Cinderroad Soup Kitchen when I volunteered there."

Lou stored that information away in his mind.

"He recognised me right away and came over. Thanked me for the advice and then dragged me over to his table. 'You gotta meet my best friend', he'd said." A wistful, fond smile ghosted over her face. Lou decided that Nina had a lovely smile and that it was a crying shame that it was such a rare sight.

"So he dragged me over and there sat this boy, around Liam's age, with more freckles on his face than you can imagine." Here, she actually laughed, a soft sound that made her look so much younger than her 24 years. "His name was Callum, but as he told me, everyone called him 'Milkyway'. Or Milky for short."

"Milkyway?" Lou frowned. _What an odd nickname_.

Another gentle huff of laughter and Nina solved the mystery for him. "He's partially blind, with a cataract in one eye", she explained. Sadness returned to her expression. "And that's who Liam was protecting. His best friend, who can't fight back against an attacker as well as a seeing person." Her blonde ponytail swung as she shook her head, disgusted by the injustice of it all.

"The police called me last night because my name was the first one Milky could think of when they came to investigate. So I drove to the hospital and sat with Milky until Liam was out of surgery and settled in a room. I pulled a few strings with the nurses so they wouldn't kick Milky out, told them to call me if Liam's condition changed and then left so I wouldn't be late for work."

Lou let out a low, dragged-out whistle. "Wow", was all he could say, lacking the words befitting the situation.

Nina's lips twitched with a small smile.

**...**

They reached the SRU and Nina parked the truck in its assigned space in the garage. She switched off the engine and turned to Lou. "Thanks", she said, sincerity displayed unusually clearly on her features. "For asking. And for listening."

"You're welcome", he replied, ignoring the questioning looks they got from their team mates when they didn't get out right away. "Thanks for telling me."

Her head dipped briefly, eyes flickering away. "Well...I guess part of this whole mess" - her finger moved in a circling motion - "is my fault. If I'd been less cagey, maybe..." She trailed off, hazel gaze returning to his dark one.

"Doesn't excuse our behaviour", he pointed out. "Not everyone's equally comfortable talking about themselves and sharing personal stuff."

Nina was silent for a long moment before she nodded.

"No...you're right", she said softly. "But I'm usually not this...close-lipped. I don't know."

Lou shrugged, explaining that the way he saw it, people had different comfort zones around different people. "And with how we treated you, I'm not surprised that you're not comfortable being completely open and yourself", he added, mouth pulling into a frown. "Besides, you're making an effort."

Her lips quirked up. "As are you." She blew out a sigh and reached for the door. "I guess it's just going to take time."

"Yeah. Mending broken trust is hard work", he agreed, opening the passenger door as well. "And nobody expects you to just forgive and forget." Again, his expression darkened a little, disappointment and anger at his team mates and himself welling up inside him. He regarded her seriously and added: "You shouldn't. We hurt you, it's only right that we have to atone for it."

Lou hated the look of startled surprise and _relief_ that she shot him. The minute sag of her shoulders was just as telling.

He kept his thoughts to himself, rounded the truck and they left the garage together. Walking down the hallway towards the gun cages and locker rooms, neither of them spoke. They quietly joined the rest of Team 1 in putting away their equipment and hanging up their tac vests. Thankfully, nobody commented on their delay.

**...**

After debriefing, as they filed out of the briefing room, Nina caught Lou by the elbow to thank him quietly. "I really appreciate it."

He nodded, giving her a small smile. "I meant what I said", he reminded her. "All of it."

"I know", she returned with a smile of her own. "And I'm grateful."

And with that, another apology was accepted and the second connection formed.


	5. An Understanding

**Hello dear readers! Sorry for the long wait, inspiration is a fickle thing and I have been pretty busy with work and other stuff going on in real life. Funnily enough, this chapter has been sitting ready for publishing in my Doc Manager for quite a while now. I just completely forgot to post it... sorry.**

**If you have any suggestions for this collection of one-shots / this storyline, don't hesitate to send me a PM or leave a review. I'm curious how you picture the course of this story and I love reading your thoughts and ideas :)**

* * *

Nina kept wondering why Ed was in the car with her. Rationally, she knew why, of course. They had four trucks and seven people. Lou was taking back the command truck. Spike and Wordy were riding together, as were Jules and the Boss. She and Ed had both been the last ones on the scene, dotting i's and crossing t's with the unis and ambulance crews, so it was obvious how they'd ended up driving back to HQ together.

But still.

Why.

The silence was palpable. Tense, filled with the heavy uncertainty of two people who weren't used to being inescapably in each other's company. A lot of wariness lay between them, along with a lack of understanding. There was hurt and apprehensive unease on Nina's side, frustration and aggravated reluctance on Ed's. There was guilt on either side, only for different reasons. And there was the chasm that Ed's suspicion, temper and quick judgement had cloven.

Things had improved since the day Nina had tried to resign, but they were still a long way from okay. Both keeping the other at arm's length, neither was ready to take the first step yet.

The silence continued as they got onto the highway, the former paramedic neatly threading the truck into the dense stream of evening traffic.

A ringtone split the uncomfortable quiet of the car.

Nina's eyes flickered to Ed, but quickly returned to the road. She made no move to check if it was her phone ringing. Her phone was always on vibrate. Glancing in the mirror, she indicated and then changed lanes to overtake the slow-moving car in front of her. An old lady sat behind the wheel, craning her neck forward as she strained to see over the dashboard. The pinched expression and tight grip on the steering wheel didn't inspire confidence in Nina either.

Mentally shrugging, the blonde changed back into the right-hand lane. With half an ear, she listened to Ed's side of his conversation. He was talking to his son, who had apparently just had a big test of sorts that he'd been nervous about. Nina found herself smiling slightly at the fond, loving tone of the team leader, at the proud and gentle words he had for his son.

"I want to hear everything when I'm home." ... "She did? That's great, I'm looking forward to watching it." ... "Alright. I'm proud of you, son." ... "Love you too, Clark. See you tonight."

He hung up and the silence returned.

**...**

God, Karma or the Universe itself, some cosmic entity apparently believed the two SRU officers needed to talk. Or they were just eager for some entertainment. Either way, traffic began to slow until it ground to a halt.

_Just what I need_, Nina sighed inside her head. _Being stuck on the highway with Ed._

But as the cars didn't seem to start moving again any time soon, she cut the engine and resigned herself to sitting it out. It was no use getting upset, the cars weren't going to move any sooner.

Ed groaned in frustration, good mood vanishing in an instant. Nina did her best not to cringe. Leaning back in her seat, she unmuted the mic of her radio and contacted Sally, their dispatcher.

"Do we know what's causing the traffic jam?", she asked.

"Oil spill from a tanker", came Sally's answer over the rustling airwaves. "And a minor car accident on the opposite lane."

"Alright, thank you, Sally." With a flick of her fingers, she switched the mic back to 'mute' again and blew out a sigh. "Typical", she muttered, shaking her head as she rested it against her hand, her elbow propped against the window frame. A blonde strand fell into her eyes and caught on her lashes. She brushed it aside with a distracted motion.

Ed raised an eyebrow at her, having heard the exchange over the radio. "What is?"

Her hazel eyes slid over to him, guarded and discerning, and held his gaze for a second before she answered. "I can't remember how many times I've responded to an MVA only to have another car crash happen in the opposing lanes because people were too busy gawking and rubber-necking to pay attention to their own side of the road."

He huffed an agreement. He'd seen the same thing countless times in his years as a police constable. Whenever there was an incident, there were gawkers.

Silence fell again.

**...**

An ambulance wailed past on the hard shoulder. Ed didn't miss the way Ruben's eyes tracked the vehicle's progress, the corners of her mouth twisting into an expression he couldn't quite read. Knowing. Sad. Longing? Annoyance reared its head. If she missed it so much, why was she with the SRU?

"You miss being a paramedic?"

He recognised his poor choice of tone almost instantly. Too sharp, too demanding. She stiffened, left hand curling tighter around the steering wheel.

"Yes."

Everything about her response - no eye contact, a monosyllabic, curt answer - screamed 'Leave me alone'. But his suspicion (in his defense, he had to think about what was best for the team and look where this whole not knowing had led them!) gained the upper hand, helped by his frustration at sitting stuck in traffic. "Then why did you quit?"

Her jaw clenched and she shook her head. "It's complicated."

"Then explain", he pressed with a gesture towards the cars around them. "Not like we're going anywhere."

The blonde still stubbornly refused to look at him. Her breathing was carefully measured, forcibly calm. "I don't want to", she said and he picked up on the iron warning inside her voice.

He scoffed. "And you wonder why we don't trust you."

Nina flinched and the part of Ed that wasn't driven by suspicion, impatience and an innate need to protect those close to him regretted the low blow. But he couldn't help himself. This woman was vexing on so many levels! He needed to know so he could make according decisions as team leader.

And she surprised him yet again by levelling him with an unexpectedly tired glare and challenging: "Then what's stopping you from kicking me off the team?"

**...**

The resignation in her voice punched through his annoyance and hit him. Hard. The vitriolic retort that had built up as soon as she had opened her mouth dissolved on his tongue, leaving nothing but a bitter aftertaste. A knot formed in his gut.

The silence was almost unbearable this time, oppressive with emotions.

Until Nina let out a heavy, sharp sigh.

"We were on our way back from a call", she began, making Ed frown at the apparent non-sequitur.

"I don't even remember what kind of call it was. Just that we weren't transporting anyone." She looked out through the windshield, her gaze unfocused, her thoughts miles away. "I'd had a headache all day and the aspiring was wearing off, so I asked Benny to drive."

Realisation crept up on Ed as he remembered Jules recounting Nina's comment about sitting in the wrong seat. A horrible sinking feeling settled in his stomach.

"The truck was going way too fast. Almost double the speed limit." Her voice became slightly strangled. "It ran the red light and t-boned us. It" - her breath hitched - "hit the driver side."

Ed briefly closed his eyes. No matter how much the young woman irked him, he'd never wish that kind of pain on her. Losing her partner in an accident like this had surely left its marks on her.

Nina's distracted expression shifted, guilt rising to the surface as she finished: "I should have been driving. But I wasn't and now my partner might never walk again."

It took him a moment to digest that. He'd assumed that Nina's partner had died, but these circumstances solved at least part of the mystery of her sudden departure from EMS. "And you?", he asked, although he wasn't too sure he wanted to hear the answer.

She scoffed a bitter, joyless laugh and looked at him. Her voice was scarily empty when she said: "There was hardly a scratch on me."

Now, the silence was stunned from his side, blank from hers.

* * *

Sally came through the radio with an update on their situation. "The fire department has cleared one lane, traffic should start moving again soon", she announced.

"Thank you, Sally", Nina replied, nothing in her tone betraying her thoughts and emotions. "The others already at the barn?"

"Lou, Jules and the Sergeant are", the dispatched said. "Spike and Wordy are on their way back. I think they went on a coffee run."

Joking that it would likely be cold by the time they reached HQ, Nina signed off again, expression once more becoming closed-off and distant.

Ed missed most of that brief exchange, too deep in thought. For the second time in just a handful of weeks, he was forced to take a long, hard look at his preconceived notions and the suspicious attitude he harboured against the former paramedic next to him. He trusted her to do her job and he knew that she would never risk anybody's life (apart from her own) on a call. He knew that she always did her damnedst to make sure that any wounded got at least preliminary treatment - even if she put herself in the line of fire both literally and figuratively for it.

But that was about the extent of his trust. Nina Ruben was too much of an unknown variable for him. Which was what rubbed him the wrong way so frequently. Of course, they all had their secrets, parts of their lives that they didn't share freely with others. Everyone was entitled to their privacy, after all. But they knew next to nothing about their newest team member. She had been a paramedic for 7 years before joining SRU. She wasn't in a relationship and lived alone. And that was just about it. They didn't know where she was from. Did she have family? What were her hobbies?

It was because of this lack of knowledge about Nina that he couldn't understand _why_ she did certain things. He was so accustomed to his team's quirks, habits and sore spots. It made his job as a team leader so much easier, knowing how each team member would react in a given situation. Ed knew from experience that Nina was a professional to the core, but he had yet to figure out what made her tick. What scared her, what calls were hard on her, what subjects she connected best with, what cheered her up, what gave her strength...

Finally getting an idea of what had caused the young woman to leave EMS was a defining piece to the puzzle. There were two options. Either her colleagues had blamed her for the accident and refused to work with her or - and he was quite sure that this was true - Nina blamed herself and hadn't been able to work in an environment where everything reminded her of her partner's absence.

This morsel of knowledge made it a little easier for him to understand her. Or at least part of her.

**...**

"How old is your son?"

Ed would deny to anyone who asked that he startled. He turned his head to study Nina. She looked genuinely curious, though there was caution in her eyes as well. Not that he could blame her, after all, he had really delivered a low blow before. "He's fourteen", he answered, carefully keeping his voice neutral. The blonde was extending an olive branch, the last thing he wanted to do was make things worse between them.

A small smile curved her mouth, softening the lingering sadness and guilt in the lines of her face. "He sounds like a pretty great kid."

"He is." Pride swelled in his chest as he spoke about his son. "Clark is a good student, always helps his mother around the house and is also a great musician."

The curiousity in her eyes glowed brighter and her eyebrow twitched in intrigue. "A musician?", she asked, sitting up slightly straighter. "What instrument does he play?" The part of him that was trained to watch for the tiniest changes in people's body language noticed that she was angling herself a tiny bit more towards him.

"The cello and the piano."

"Sounds like he's pretty talented", she mused quietly.

Ed nodded. "He is."

Several cars ahead, engines were started again. The outermost lane began to inch forward at a snail's pace. Cars from the other lanes immediately tried to move out of their own lane in hope of getting out of the traffic jam quicker. Nina didn't bother turning the key until the car in front of the one to their left started moving. Their conversation, brief as it had been, petered out again as she manoeuvred the SRU vehicle out of their stationary lane.

The rest of the drive back to the barn passed in silence. A neutral silence. Not exactly uncomfortable, but not comfortable either. Not hostile or tense, nor amicable and relaxed. It just was. And while they would still have a long way to go before the chasm between them was filled and mended, they were a few steps closer. An apology still needed to be made, but at least, they had an understanding now.


	6. The Third Connection

**I have been working on this for ages and I just couldn't seem to get it right. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but I really wanted to get this chapter out there. This story has been dormant for way too long (not that that's going to change because work is hell right now...)**

**I just wanted to thank everyone who has been following Nina's story so far. I hope the next update will come a bit sooner and I promise that the next chapter will be more action-packed than this one. Suggestions, ideas and constructive feedback are welcome as always :)**

* * *

Nina was getting better. Gradually.

Sure, she had days where she would forget a meal or two. She had days where she spent two hours cuddling with Mrs Littman's calico and tabby cats on the carpeted living room floor before she could break through the buzzing of morose thoughts in her head. She had days where she hardly interacted with her coworkers outside of a call, too scared to invite vicious jibes or overly aggressive rebukes even though those had stopped weeks ago.

But her good days were starting to outnumber the bad ones.

The blonde was smiling more and could also be observed laughing from time to time. Her connections with Spike and Lou were developing into friendships. The three of them bonded over their time spent in the truck or on less-lethal assignments and often traded gentle ribbing, carefully feeling out the limits. When Nina tapped into her vast network of acquaintances and friends, she occasionally told them the story (or at least part of it) of how she had come to meet that specific person.

She asked Wordy about his family, listened with interest and seemingly never-ending patience as he gushed about his girls. He subtly checked on her in return and asked about Michael Loretz from time to time, knowing how important the man was to the former paramedic. Beneath the ever-present, but gradually decreasing, flash of surprise, Nina shone with affection for her former partner when she spoke of him.

Wordy didn't ask about Nina's family, though. Every time somebody tried, she deflected or clammed up, so he decided not to pry. He suspected that her relationship with her family wasn't stellar. From what he had been able to piece together, from little slips and his own observations, her father had been mostly absent and she had faced considerable pressure to meet her family's expectations.

One of their most recent training negotiations cemented those suspicions into fact.

**...**

Jules was pretending to be a young woman holding her father (Ed, in this case) hostage because she couldn't take the pressure anymore. He wanted her to become a lawyer and refused to even consider that she had different ideas.

Wordy was in the ideal spot to observe Nina's reactions. The former paramedic managed to cool the situation a little simply through her body language. Calm, approachable, unbiased. She quickly got a read of the people involved and made decisions based on those impressions. A minute into the negotiation, she had pulled Jules' attention off Ed and onto herself through blunt (shockingly so, in Wordy's opinion - and likely Spike's as well judging by the tech's expression) honesty.

"Look, I know that you're angry and upset, but I need you to listen to me for a moment. There are two ways out of this situation. Either you talk to me and we can figure out whatever seems to be the problem, or you continue screaming at your father and waving that gun around and we'll be forced to shoot you."

The look of shock crossing Jules' face wasn't part of the script, but entirely realistic.

Nina continued. "I get it, you don't want to talk to me. I wouldn't be too eager to tell a total stranger about family issues either. But I'd honestly prefer not to see you die, so would you please consider talking this through?"

Jules had recovered and shrugged. "Why should I?", she countered with attitude. "I got nothing to lose! And it's all _his_" - a jab with the gun towards Ed - "fault!"

"I'm sorry to hear that." Wordy believed that she really was.

Ed played up the role of the dominant, demanding father and burst out: "My fault?! The cops wouldn't have to deal with your temper tantrum if you-"

"Thank you, sir", Nina interjected neatly, cutting him off politely and firmly, "but please let your daughter speak. Making her more angry only puts you in danger, so please, be quiet."

_That was nicely done_, Wordy thought to himself. It showed that the blonde had experience in handling unreasonable, volatile and overbearing people. Of which she'd surely encountered more than enough during her years as a paramedic.

As if nothing had happened, she carried on, looking at Jules. "Truth is, you'll lose your life if you continue to be a threat to yourself and others. And with that, you'll lose any chance to follow your own dreams and live your own life."

You could have heard a pin drop at that moment. She had captivated not only Jules' attention, but that of every other person in the room as well.

**...**

With a little encouragement from Nina, Jules aired 'her' grievances and while the gun came up several times or twitched in a gesture, the situation was continuously de-escalating as Nina kept the other woman talking.

Wordy was the only spectator with full view of the former paramedic's face when Jules finally revealed that her father was putting immense pressure on her, trying to force her to conform to his expectations. A brief flash of absolute agony and her eyes darted to Spike, a tiny frown briefly clouding her features. But just as quickly, her professional mask was back in place as she continued negotiations.

"I understand how hard this is for you", she said, voice quiet. She exhaled and the look of empathy, of understanding, of _knowing_ on her face had both Ed and Jules pausing for a split second. Nina didn't notice - or, if she did, she hid it perfectly. "It feels like the pressure is going to crush you. You start asking yourself if you're wrong and they're right, even if you know the answer. You think that it would probably be just easier to do what they want."

Jules bobbed her head and Wordy wasn't sure if this was the subject or Jules herself reacting. Possibly both. The gun had remained limp in her hand for a while now. The threat level was steady in the green.

Nina gave her a smile, a sad, tattered, heart-broken shadow of a smile. "I know. But I also know that it would tear you apart and you'd spend the rest of your life cursing yourself for giving in, for not even trying to make your own way."

"How can you know that?", Jules questioned, doing a pretty good job at mixing aggression with curiosity and a hint of desperate hope.

Hazel eyes dipped to the floor for a second, brows puckered together. Then, Nina took another breath, the set of her shoulders tensed as if bracing for something and she responded: "My parents wanted me to join the family business. They always said they'd let us decide for ourselves, but that was an empty phrase. How could we decide if their business was all we knew?" She shrugged, another crumbled smile quirking her lips. "I was lucky, I learned that I _did _have other options, so I made my choice."

"Weren't your parents mad at you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sure they were. We had a huge fight, but ultimately, they had to live with my choice."

**...**

Convincing the subject to surrender was a piece of cake afterwards.

The Sarge announced that they'd take a short break before continuing with the next training negotiation - featuring Ed as the subject, Wordy and Lou as the hostages and Spike as negotiator.

Nina was out the door before anybody else had the chance to take three steps and headed in the direction of the locker rooms.

Confused and concerned, Wordy turned to his team mates, hoping that one of them could offer an explanation. Spike looked plain worried. Jules seemed a bit troubled, probably because the negotiation had stirred up some emotions. Lou was pensive, though the twist of his eyebrows indicated that he was worried, too. Greg was also showing concern. And Ed- Wordy frowned. While his friend appeared to be deep in thought, there also seemed to be a trace of guilt colouring the team leader's features.

"She was telling the truth, wasn't she?"

All eyes zoomed to Jules, who was staring at the door their other female colleague had disappeared through moments earlier.

"Yes."

Heads turned to Wordy. It would have been comical if he hadn't been so preoccupied with the broken expression that he'd seen flash across Nina's face. "You can't fake that kind of understanding."

**...**

Nina returned from the locker room three minutes later, her face carefully blank, giving nothing away. She slipped into the room and quietly settled into a place next to Lou.

"Are you alright?", he asked.

She shrugged and murmured: "Doesn't matter right now."

"Spike didn't say anything."

Life stirred in her eyes, the tightness around her mouth softened. "I know."

* * *

Wordy couldn't forget Nina's anguished expression. It kept bothering him the entire day. The sky decided to open its floodgates twenty minutes before shift change. Seeing Nina look up and sigh as thunder rolled, he took the chance.

"Do you need a ride?", he offered.

She tried to refuse. "It's okay", she said, "it's only a little rain."

He bargained, told her that he didn't want her to catch something in this weather. "It would make me feel better", he tacked on.

And there was that surprised look again, the one that felt like a punch to the gut. But it did the trick. The young woman's shoulders sagged and she nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

**...**

"Can I ask you something?"

The soft question came out of the blue and Wordy was glad they were waiting at a traffic light because he could turn his head to look at his passenger. "Sure."

"If one of your daughters chose a career you're not happy with... what would you do?"

He paused, surprised at the direct way she'd asked. It was a good question, so he took a moment to consider.

Nina must have misread his silence because she looked away and mumbled: "Sorry, you don't have to answer. It- it's a personal question."

"No, no", he assured her, "it's alright. I was just surprised." He cleared his throat and explained. "I would talk to them, see why they picked that job. Maybe I'd have a wrong impression of that career, so I'd want to understand what my girl sees in it. We'd figure it out and either, I'd support my girl's decision or if she realises that maybe another job would be better, I'd help her find one."

Nina made an indistinct noise at the back of her throat. "You're a good father", she hummed distantly.

"Yours wasn't?" Wordy knew that he was going out on a limb here, but he couldn't help but wonder. She had all but said so during the negotiation that afternoon. The light jumped to green and he turned left.

She shrugged her shoulders, blew out a sigh. "I guess he wasn't", she said. She rubbed at her eye. "He wasn't around much when I was little. And afterwards...like I said, my parents pretended to leave it up to us whether we joined the business or not. But they also made it clear when they disapproved of our friends or plans for the future."

He frowned. "So they didn't want you to become a paramedic?"

A humourless chuckle worked its way up her throat. "They didn't know I was considering it. It was more things like telling me I couldn't take piano lessons because it wasn't useful. Or that I wasn't allowed to walk to school with this girl because her father was a tiler."

"That's so ... wrong!" Wordy struggled to find the proper words to express his disbelief and outrage. "You weren't allowed to have a hobby because it wasn't useful?"

Nina's mouth stretched into a sardonic smile. "Yep." Then she shook her head and her expression closed. "But it doesn't matter. I left and found a life for myself. Make a right by that house with the blue shutters."

**...**

Wordy followed Nina's instructions and soon enough, he was navigating the tree-lined streets of The Annex. They pulled up in front of an old, but well-maintained apartment building. 111 Howland Ave. He'd have to remember that.

"Thanks for the ride, Wordy", Nina said, slipping out and grabbing her bag from the backseat. "And ... for everything else."

"You're welcome", he smiled. Before she could shut the door, he stopped her. "Listen, if you ever need someone to talk to or, well, if you need somebody: Call me. You have my number."

The young woman nodded. "Thank you. I- I will."

She closed the door, ducked her head against the rain and hurried up the front steps. Wordy was left to the sound of raindrops drumming onto the roof of the car. Nina turned to look back and gave him a smile. Then, she turned the key and entered the building.

* * *

It was almost two weeks later - less than a month until Nina's decision day would come - when Nina made use of Wordy's private mobile phone number.

Wordy's mobile went off, buzzing loudly against the kitchen counter.

"Hello?"

"...Wordy? It's...it's Nina."

Maybe it was the static, but something about her voice roused his paternal instincts and he found himself asking: "Is everything alright?"

"You said I could call you", she began, sounding nervous. "If I needed- you know what, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you, I'll, I'll hang up."

"No", he called out, "wait! Don't hang up, Nina, please." A beat and he tacked on a soft: "It's okay", because he knew - he just _knew_ \- that Nina needed reassurance. The insecurity in her voice bled through the phone and while it wasn't exactly a good thing, it was better than hollowed numbness. Some of the walls were down and Wordy had learned enough about the former paramedic to know what that meant.

There was a pause. It stretched long enough that he feared she'd hung up even though the line crackled softly at intermittent intervals with each of her breaths and he could practically feel her internal struggle.

Then, she responded, hesitant or reluctant (he couldn't tell which). "Alright."

Pleased, Wordy leant against the counter and asked again: "Now, can you tell me what's going on?"

**...**

Haltingly, the young woman explained. There had been a gas leak at her apartment building, making the apartments uninhabitable until the leak was fixed and all the poisonous carbon monoxide had evaporated. Which wouldn't be until tomorrow, meaning she needed someplace to spend the night. And since Spike and Lou were out of town and her neighbours were facing the same problem as her, Nina hadn't known who else to ask.

Wordy didn't mind not being her first choice. He understood and was only too happy that she had considered him an option at all. "Where are you", he wanted to know, already moving towards the hallway to grab a jacket and slip on some shoes. "I'll come and get you."

"...Toronto Western."

He paused mid-motion as he was reaching for his keys. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine", Nina was quick to reassure him, though she sounded tired. "Don't worry."

It did little to assuage his concern, so Wordy promised to be there in ten, fifteen minutes tops before hanging up. "Shel", he said, turning to his wife, who had followed him into the hallway, "I'm going to get Nina from the hospital. There was a gas leak at her house. I told her she could stay the night."

Shelley, being the wonderful woman she was, nodded, concern on her face for her husband's coworker that she'd already heard a lot about. "Of course! She's more than welcome to stay. I'll get the guest room ready."

Smiling and giving her a kiss, Wordy murmured: "Thanks. I love you."

* * *

Walking up to the reception desk at Toronto Western Hospital, Wordy gave his name and explained that he was here to pick up Nina Ruben. The nurse smiled when she recognised the name and immediately had a colleague take over for her so she could show him to Nina.

"She's still in the ER", Nurse Odette Masters told Wordy as she led him through the busy Emergency Department. "Don't let the oxygen mask scare you, Nina is alright. She was very lucky."

"What about the other residents of her building?", Wordy wanted to know. A gas leak could be anything from a minor nuisance to a serious hazard.

Odette hummed: "I can't tell you much since you're not family, but they are all in stable condition. Everyone got out quick enough that there won't be any permanent damage or issues."

They came to a stop in front of a cubicle that was cordonned off with a curtain. "I'll be right back with the release paperwork", Odette said, indicating that it was alright for him to go ahead.

**...**

Stepping around the curtain, Wordy didn't immediately announce his presence, using the brief moment to take a good look at his colleague. Nina had her eyes closed as she sat with her back to the wall, her posture more relaxed than he had ever seen her. A small voice in his head needled: _Says a lot about how comfortable she is with you_. Wordy ignored it.

An oxygen mask was fitted over her mouth and nose, though he had been expecting that thanks to Odette's warning. Her blonde hair was down, the tresses loosely framing her face or sneaking out from where they had been tucked behind her ear. A pair of jeans and a soft black sweater added to her casual, placid appearance. Her tennis shoes looked ready to fall apart at the seams, frayed and scuffed. She looked 24 going on 13 like this and his parental side pushed forward.

"Nina?", he asked quietly in case she was asleep.

Hazel eyes flickered open and she blinked at him, the look of puzzled disorientation quickly turning into bashful gratitude. "Wordy", she greeted him, sitting up and pulling the oxygen mask from her face. "I didn't think you'd be here so soon." She reached for the simple brown pair of glasses on the bedside table.

He shrugged, joking: "Thought I'd come save you before they try to feed you hospital food."

Nina chuckled, smiling. "That's very nice of you. Though Odette probably would've let Angus smuggle in some proper food for me." She motioned to the plastic chair by the wall and invited him to have a seat.

"How are you feeling?", he asked, moving to sit down. Carbon monoxide poisoning was no laughing matter and while Nina looked well enough, he knew how deceiving appearances could be. Especially when it came to her.

"I have a headache", she admitted with a nonchalant twitch of her hands, "and I feel pretty wrung out, but otherwise, I'm fine. I think they'll let me leave soon, but you never know..."

Wordy agreed. "I didn't know you had glasses", he commented, deciding that light conversation was best suited for the moment.

"I only wear them off duty." Nina shifted to sit cross-legged, absently brushing a strand of hair back from her face. "In our line of work, they're just not practical. On duty, I wear contacts. That way, I don't have to worry about losing or breaking these."

"Could you manage without them?", Wordy wondered. Had her contacts been removed to flush her eyes during that bomb incident? Had she been forced to muddle her way back home half-blind when she'd been released?

Her head tilted slightly as she considered the question. "I can... but I don't like it that much", she then replied. The amiable smile was still on her lips. "I always keep a few sets of contacts in my locker, though. And a second pair of these" - she gestured to her glasses - "just in case."

**...**

Their conversation was interrupted by Odette coming to deliver the paperwork. "Dr Johansson told me that you should take it easy for the day", the nurse informed Nina with a knowing look. "And to come back if you start feeling worse or have trouble breathing."

"Thanks, Odette." Nina signed the necessary forms and handed them back. "Say hi to Verena for me, yeah? And tell Angus I said bye."

"Of course, Nina. Try not to be too much of a stranger, you hear? We miss you around here." The sternness of her words were tempered by the fond smile on her face and the kindness in her tone.

Nina nodded, cheeks turning a light pink. "I promise."

* * *

On the drive back to the Wordsworth home, Wordy impressed on his colleague that she should tell him the moment his three very energetic daughters became too much for her. "They can get pretty excited", he told her with an apologetic smile, "so just let us know when it gets too loud for you."

Nina smiled tiredly, but nodded. "Okay."

"Allie doesn't really understand the concept of personal space yet", Wordy continued. He wanted the former paramedic to feel comfortable around his family and giving her a heads-up would hopefully help with that.

"That's alright", she said easily. "I know fully-grown adults who don't understand that either. A four-year-old might still learn."

Wordy was oddly touched that Nina had bothered to remember the age of his youngest child. Though he wasn't too surprised this time. Nina had a mind like a steel trap and soaked up any and all information like a sponge.

**...**

Wordy's home was exactly like Nina had pictured it. Nothing extraordinary, a house with a nice backyard and neat front lawn, a loveseat swing on the porch. It looked friendly and welcoming with the box of sidewalk chalk by the bannister, the flowers in the pot by the front steps and the obviously hand-crafted wind chimes, the oddly shaped ornament turning slowly in the light breeze.

The inside matched the outside in its sense of comfort and homeliness. "Shel", Wordy called, "we're home!"

Shelley, the love of his life, stepped into the hallway, her blonde hair tucked behind her ears. "Hello honey", she greeted her husband before directing a warm smile at their guest. "And you must be Nina. It's so nice to finally meet you."

Nina smiled back, unsure what to do in the face of such open acceptance and sincere friendliness. "Um, it's great to meet you, too, Mrs Wordsworth. I've heard a lot about you."

"Please", Shelley said, waving her hand, "call me Shelley or Shel. No need for formalities here."

They entered the kitchen, Wordy inviting Nina to have a seat while he got her a glass of water. Shelley offered to make her something to eat, but Nina declined graciously, insisting that she wasn't hungry.

"Well if you need anything, just let us know, okay?", Shelley said before concern coloured her features and she asked: "How are you feeling? Kevin told me there was a gas leak at your house?"

Nina nodded in confirmation and reassured her that she was okay. "I have a bit of a headache, but it's not bad." The 'I've had worse' went unsaid, but was still heard.

Appeased by the younger blonde's answer, Shelley continued: "I've made up the guest room for you, if you want to lie down for a bit. You probably won't get much rest when the girls come home from school ..."

"That's very kind of you Mrs W- ... Shelley. I don't mind."

**...**

Picking up on his colleague's insecurity, Wordy volunteered to give her a tour of the house. He didn't want her to feel overwhelmed, especially by something as simple as being offered a guest room and the possibility to sleep away the headache she was downplaying.

"You have a beautiful home, Wordy", Nina said sincerely, marvelling at how inviting and lived-in the rooms felt.

She also got to meet the youngest of the Wordsworth children, four year old Allie. The little girl studied her curiously, not entirely sure what to make of the unfamiliar woman. That changed ten seconds later when Nina praised how fantastic the dollhouse looked.

"Daddy builded it for us!", Allie blurted proudly, picking up one of the dolls she had been playing with. "This is Penny", she said, "she's mine."

Wordy watched with a smile as Nina made the suitably impressed comments about how pretty Penny's dress was and if Allie had styled Penny's hair so expertly. Clearly, the former paramedic was no stranger to dealing with children. In under a minute, Allie had decided that she wanted Nina to play with her, handing her a doll with blonde hair and a bright green dress.

He decided to remind his daughter that it wasn't polite to just assume people would want to play with her.

Contritely, Allie turned big, pleading eyes - they were the same colour as her father's - on Nina and asked: "Do you wanna play dolls with me?"

Nina's smile was the brightest one he had seen yet. "I'd love to", she said, taking the proffered doll and settling cross-legged on the floor.

Wordy left them to it, the animated chatter of Allie introducing Nina to all her dolls following him into the hallway.

**...**

"How bad do you think her headache is really?", Shelley asked her husband as he returned to the kitchen.

He sighed, guilt settling on his features. "Probably worse than she lets on", he said and leant against the counter, watching her stir sugar and milk into her coffee. "But she's playing with Allie now, so I don't think it's bothering her too much."

A smile tilted her mouth. "Let's hope Allie can get her to relax and feel comfortable here." Her lips pursed and she looked at him. "Is she always this uneasy around people?"

Wordy heaved another sigh, scrubbing a hand down his face before he sat down. "I don't know, Shel. She's opened up around Spike and Lou since... since she tried to quit." There was no sense in glossing over the truth.

Shelley joined him at the kitchen table. She took a sip or her coffee and waited patiently while he sorted his thoughts.

"Nina's reserved at work, quiet and pretty cautious when it comes to talking about personal stuff." _No wonder_, a voice in his head chimed bitterly, _what with how you threw everything back in her face._ "Some days, she's nervous, especially around Ed. Mostly, she hides it behind a blank mask, but sometimes, she can't."

He wasn't sure which days were worse.

"Has she always been like that?"

"I don't think so. Commander Holleran himself said that she was only a shadow of herself. Whatever caused her to leave EMS, it left her in a pretty bad place and we only made it worse." He shook his head, guilt rearing its ugly head once more.

Shelley rested a hand on his arm, squeezing it comfortingly. "You're doing your best to make up for it, honey", she told him. "And Nina obviously trusts you or she wouldn't have called."

"Spike and Lou are away", he countered with a shrug. "She didn't know who else to call."

His wife tutted softly and said: "Kevin, if she wanted to avoid calling you, she would have found a way. From what you've told me, Nina has plenty of friends and acquaintances in the city."

Wordy considered Shel's reasoning and his spirits lifted at the thought that Nina had truly reached out to him because she had trusted him not to go back on his word. Even if she had only called him as a last resort and had second-guessed her decision almost immediately. She had accepted his offer to stay the night and for now, that was enough for him.

* * *

Nina insisted on helping Shelley with dinner. "I'm not much of a cook", she admitted softly, cheeks flushing as if this was something to be ashamed of, "but I can help with preparations, Mrs Wordsworth."

"You don't have to", Shelley was quick to assure her. "You're our guest."

But Nina shook her head and explained that it was the least she could do to repay them for their kindness, so Shelley offered no further protests, especially since she didn't mind. It would give her a chance to talk to the young woman. However, she did say that there was nothing to repay.

Allie, who seemingly had declared her Daddy's coworker her new favourite person, clamoured that she wanted to help, too.

As she set about putting a pot of noodles on the stove and pulling ingredients from various cupboards, Shelley observed as Nina interacted with Allie. Her youngest daughter was currently pouting because she wasn't yet allowed to use the sharp knife. Nina took it in stride and was in the process of explaining to the little girl why she couldn't help slice and dice the assorted vegetables on the table.

For all she claimed not to be a good cook though, the former paramedic expertly handled the knife to cut the vegetables into neat cubes, Shelley noted.

"Kevin tells me you live in the Annex", she commented after a moment of deliberation over what would make a suitable conversation opener.

Nina nodded. "Yes Mrs-" - she caught herself, flashing her an apologetic smile -"Shelley."

"Do you like it there? It's a pretty colourful neighbourhood, isn't it?"

That drew a laugh from her and she said: "It is, yes, but I don't mind. It's affordable and people mostly leave you in peace. A little noise here and there or some oddballs are worth that."

**...**

Conversation revolved around small talk like living situation and the latest news for a while before a loud slam of the front door heralded the return of Lily and Holly, who had been over at a friend's house. The noise level ratcheted up exponentially and Shelley didn't miss the way Nina's breath hitched as the two girls called "Mommy, Daddy, we're home!"

Barrelling into the kitchen, the elder Wordsworth children were excited to meet their Daddy's coworker.

Shelley quickly stepped in though before they could bombard Nina with questions. "You can talk more at dinner", she reminded them. "Have you finished all your homework?"

"Yeah."

"Yes Mom."

Shelley smiled. "Dinner's gonna be ready in a few minutes", she said. "Allie, be a dear and get Daddy? Lily, Holly, can you set the table, please?"

The girls nodded in stereo and went to do as they were asked. Lily and Holly bustled in and out of the kitchen with plates, cutlery and glasses while Allie ran off to find her Dad.

Shelley studied Nina with the trained gaze of a mother and asked: "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, sorry. I guess I wasn't prepared for the noise", she replied with a rueful smile, massaging the bridge of her nose.

"Do you need something for the headache? Kevin said they gave you some meds."

Nina took a few measured breaths, hoping to ease the sharp pounding in her skull. "Might be a good idea", she conceded. She made to go and fetch them, but Shelley stopped her.

"Have a seat", the mother said, gently pushing the younger woman into a chair and setting a glass of water in front of her. "I'll get them for you."

Mumbling a thanks, Nina told her that she had the pain pills in the left inside pocket of her jacket.

* * *

Dinner was a lively affair, though Wordy and Shelley made sure to curb their children's noise level before it could bother Nina. The former paramedic was grateful for it, even though the pain pill was keeping her headache down to a distant pressure behind her nose.

The three girls asked Nina dozens of questions. What her favourite food was, if she had a pet, which had been her best subject in school, if she liked working with Daddy and his friends... She patiently answered each of them as best she could. Her favourite food was Captain Oehler's Fettuccine Alfredo, she had no pets but often spent time with her neighbour's cats or took her other neighbour's dog for a walk. Her best subject in school had been Science, though she had liked French, too.

"I like working with your father", she said to Holly, her eyes briefly flickering to Wordy. "He's a very good man and a good cop."

Holly beamed. None of the adults at the table missed the fact that she had neglected to answer the second part of Holly's question.

"Nina", Lily chimed in then, hastily swallowing under the reproachful look from her mother, "do you have sisters, too?"

The blonde froze for a telling moment. Then, her expression shuttered into that guarded, neutral wall and Wordy could see her force a smile onto her lips. It didn't reach her eyes, the hazel pools filled with a kind of pain that didn't stem from her headache.

"Now really, girls, enough interrogation", he spoke up, tone gently chiding. "Nina won't get around to eating if you keep this up."

Nina shot him a grateful look, her shoulders tight. Her fork shook slightly in her hand as she focused on her meal while Lilly launched into a story about something that had happened at school. There was something haunted in her eyes for the next few minutes before it dissolved again.

**...**

The children practically begged Nina to play with them after dinner, suggestions for different games spilling from rapidly moving lips as the girls bounced with excitement. The young woman hesitated, a questioning glance flitting to the adult Wordsworths. "Well... if your parents don't mind?"

Shelley smiled and assured her that it was alright. She and Kevin would take care of the dishes.

Nina suppressed a pained wince as the girls cheered, but answered the concerned look from Wordy with a reassuring shake of her head as she got up and collected her plate and cutlery to take it to the kitchen.

Lily firmly declared that Nina should get to choose which game they played, her younger sisters eagerly agreeing even as they chattered about their favourite games, each insisting that theirs was the best.

Allie first wanted to continue playing dolls, but Holly quickly protested: "You already got to play with her. Lily and me want to play Monopoly."

"That's not fair!", Allie complained. She was still too young to play that game on her own and she knew it.

"If you're playing a card or board game", Wordy told his eldest, "pick something that Allie can play too, okay honey?"

Lily nodded her head with all the solemnity of a precocious ten-year-old.

Holly pouted. "But I wanna play Monopoly"

"But I wanna play too!" Allie crossed her arms and glared at her older sister.

Quickly, Nina intervened before it could spiral into an argument. Wordy wasn't sure if it was her negotiator or paramedic training or if she had more experience in handling differences of opinion between children. She calmly assured Holly that they could play Monopoly another time. "But it wouldn't be fair to exclude Allie and I don't feel well enough to think about building houses and paying rent, okay?"

That had settled the matter and Wordy was left to wonder how much worse Nina was feeling than she let on. He knew that her headache was not as mild as she claimed, but he really hoped she wasn't hiding any other symptoms for the sake of not bothering anyone. Still, he couldn't help but smile as Nina let herself be dragged off to where the board, card and tabletop games were kept.

**...**

The girls agreed on a simple game of Parcheesi and Allie insisted that they play on the living room floor because the carpet was so nice and comfy. Soon enough, the four were installed on the floor in front of the couch and Holly set up the game. Lily went to the kitchen to ask her parents if they could have something to drink and Nina settled another argument between the younger Wordsworth daughters, this one over who would get the yellow pieces.

"But you always play yellow!", Allie whined when Holly picked the coveted pieces for herself.

"Not true!", Holly retorted with a frown. "You always make me play green."

Crossing her legs, Nina leant forward and suggested: "Why don't you let Lilly play yellow?"

"No, Lily is always blue", came the immediate response from both children.

"Okay. So why don't _I _play yellow and you can choose between red and green?", Nina said, plucking the yellow pieces from their container and twirling them in her fingers.

And just like that, peace was preserved. Lily came back with the promised drinks and plopped herself down on the carpet, eager to start the game. Nina helped Allie with counting the pips and spaces while Lily occasionally added the pips for Holly when the six-year-old struggled.

**...**

Too immersed in the game, too unfamiliar with Nina and just a little too young to understand, none of the girls saw the ghosts that lingered beneath the blonde woman's smile. The longing sadness behind the shadows in those hazel eyes. The way her hands stiffened briefly before she deflected personal questions, a hint of uneasy remorse buried in her casual, genuine tone.

But Wordy noticed. He noticed, not for the first time, that under the kindness, generosity and selflessness that characterised Nina Ruben, there was also a young, lost girl that had been hurt too much. He had seen the desolate wistfulness in her gaze when she had looked at his daughters teasing each other and cheering for one another during the game. He had noticed the way her bottom lip had curled inwards just a fraction to tuck under her teeth when Shelley had sternly shooed the girls off to bed.

His co-worker, who he'd like to call 'friend' someday when she was ready, had experienced the ugly and harsh side of life, had suffered from the callousness, cruelty and indifference of people far too much in her 24 years of life. Wordy had been a cop long enough to see that. It was just a shame that Team One had collectively ignored the signs for so long...

He forced the thought away. Wallowing in guilt wouldn't help Nina. He needed to make his peace with the fact that they, that he had screwed up. It was a fact, the past couldn't be changed, all he could do now was move forward. And they were making progress. It was slow and nowhere near steady, but it was there. That Nina had reached out today and asked for help was a huge step for her. Wordy recognised that and even though he felt like he didn't really have the right to, he was proud of her for it. After all, no matter how much it saddened him to see her nervous, uncomfortable and hesitant, in his eyes, it was a whole lot better than when she wore her carefully blank, hollowed mask.

* * *

As was their habit, Wordy and Shelley looked in on their children before going to bed. Allie was sleeping curled around her favourite plushie, the corner of her blanket snuggled up to her chin. Holly slept on her stomach in a tangle of blankets while Lily was sprawled on her back, hugging her bright comforter to her chest.

This time, however, Wordy didn't follow his wife as she headed to the bedroom. Instead, he passed it and carefully opened the door to the guest room a little.

Nina was fast asleep, half-buried under the blanket, one hand tucked under the pillow. Her blonde hair spilled loosely down her shoulders and across the pillow. In the dim light seeping in from the window - she hadn't closed the blinds, he noted absently - Wordy could see the dark smudges under her eyes and the slight furrow of her brow. Whether it was the pain from her headache, less than peaceful sleep or the general discomfort of not being in her own bed, he didn't know.

_God, she looks so young_. Young and vulnerable, even more so than he'd seen her when she and Spike had been caught in that explosion a few weeks ago. She had sounded terrified when she had called for Spike then. And he couldn't get it out of his head how relaxed and trusting she had been around those paramedics. Completely at ease, leaning into their touch, literally blindly following their lead.

Wordy hoped that one day, Nina would feel equally comfortable around Team One.

**...**

In the middle of the night, Wordy woke up with a dry mouth and a persistent tickle in his throat. Quietly slipping out of bed, he padded to the kitchen for a glass of water. Navigating the hallway and heading down the stairs, he rounded the corner and only just contained the instinct to freeze when he saw a dark silhouette by the counter. Taking a second to banish the jolt of adrenaline, he reminded himself that it was just Nina.

She was staring at him and there was something off about her posture, the way her body was angled. She'd obviously heard him approach.

"Nina?", he asked quietly, wondering why he got the sudden urge to raise his hands.

She nodded, gestured to the half-empty glass on the counter beside her. "I was thirsty." She sounded apologetic for some reason.

He smiled and stepped closer, moving to the cupboard to grab a glass for himself. "That's fine", he assured her, pretending not to notice how her shoulders sagged or how she shifted into a more relaxed and casual stance. "How's the headache?"

"Pretty much gone", she answered, watching him as he filled his glass and drained it in one go.

In the slightly oversized t-shirt and sweat pants Shelley had given her to sleep in, she looked a lot like the scrawny teen Wordy was sure she had been. That impression was only amplified by her sleep-mussed hair and night-wide eyes. Acknowledging her response with a "That's good", he refilled his glass halfway and asked: "How long have you been down here?"

She shrugged. "Only a couple of minutes."

"Huh", he made. "I didn't even hear you. The floorboards in the hallway usually creak a bit."

Even in the dark kitchen, where the only source of light was the streetlamp by the living room window, he could see a wry smile twisting her mouth before it disappeared behind the rim of the glass as she took a drink.

"I'm good at being quiet", she offered, head dipping slightly. "Had lots of practice."

Wordy's heart broke a little at the tone and the weight of those words.

Shaking her head, as if shaking off a thought, Nina emptied the glass and placed it in the dish washer. "I think I'll try and get some more sleep", she said. "Good night Wordy."

Her blue-socked feet made no sound against the kitchen tiles as she walked away. He waited and listened closely. There was a soft rustle, likely her clothes moving with her. But soon enough, all he could hear was silence. No tell-tale creak of a floorboard, no hollow, soft thud on the third step from the bottom. Nothing.

It amazed and impressed him as much as it puzzled him.

* * *

It was well past noon when Nina returned to her own apartment. Wordy's daughters hadn't wanted to let their new favourite babysitter and playmate leave and Shelley had invited the young woman to stay for lunch. Nina had been hesitant at first, not wanting to impose, but had quickly been convinced to stay. After lunch and another hour of playing with the kids, the blonde had sincerely thanked Shelley and Wordy for their hospitality and had promised the kids that she'd colour with them again some other time before asking Wordy if he would mind giving her a lift home.

They didn't speak much on the drive to the Annex, both lost in their own thoughts. Wordy was still thinking about their encounter last night, something niggling at the back of his mind that he couldn't put his finger on just yet.

"Thanks for everything, Wordy", Nina said as they pulled up at her home. "I really appreciate it."

He smiled. "No problem. I was happy to help."

Her lips ticked up and she surprised him by inviting him inside for a cup of tea. "It's the least I can do."

**...**

Nina led him up the stairs to the third floor. The carpet was scuffed and threadbare in places, the paint chipped and peeling and one light in the hallway didn't work.

"I know it's a bit run-down", the paramedic said when she noticed Wordy taking in his surroundings, "but we all figured the hallway isn't that much of a priority."

As they walked down the corridor to apartment 3D, a young man stepped out of 3B. His black hair was a mess and his clothes on the shabby side. He looked anxious, but lit up when he saw Nina. "Hey, you're back!", he exclaimed. "You okay?"

Nina nodded. "I'm fine, Gavin, thanks", she smiled. Her hazel eyes flashed over him and she asked. "And you? You look stressed."

Gavin heaved a deep sigh and nodded his head, clouds of worry gathering on his features as he fidgeted with his keys. He hemmed and hawed for a moment before his worries spilled out. "Um... yeah, it's just Chloe y'know? She's still at the doc's and I'm kinda scared cause she didn't look too hot and I really don't want her to die, y'know?"

Gently, Nina assured him that Chloe would likely be just fine. "The doctor is probably keeping her a bit longer as a precaution, to make sure she's alright", she soothed. "She didn't take in too much gas, she should be okay."

Encouraged by the kind words, Gavin nodded and visibly pulled himself together. "Thanks Nina. I'll see you around", he said. Glancing at Wordy, he then tromped down the stairs, his footsteps soon fading out of range.

"That was Gavin", Nina explained without prompt as she let them into her apartment. "He moved here two years ago to go to college. He got into a bad crowd" - she kicked her shoes off and hung her jacket on the hook on the wall - "and only got his life back on track this winter. Chloe's been really good for him."

Wordy took off his own shoes and jacket, following her as she moved further into her home. "His girlfriend?"

"His parakeet."

* * *

Showing him into the kitchen, Nina got some water cooking for the tea and plucked teabags from the large, hand-painted jar on the window sill. "Do you...mind if I go change quickly?", she asked, unease painting the lines of her face. "You're welcome to have a look around. And I won't be long."

"No, of course, go ahead", Wordy said, waving her off with a smile. "It's your home."

She chuckled, gratitude dancing in her eyes, and disappeared to where he assumed her bedroom was.

Turning around, he followed her invitation to explore.

The apartment was small, but cosy. Tidy, but looking lived in with the various odds and ends lying around. The kitchen was well-organised, though on the calendar on the wall, it was still July. Shifts were noted in precise letters, appointments and other memorable occasions sometimes even highlighted. _Dominic, 8:15_ on July 9 was underlined twice and there was a smiley face doodled beside it.

Wandering into the dining room/living room area, Wordy continued his survey, committing noteworthy details to memory as he went. A bookshelf lined the wall opposite the window. There were medical journals and encyclopedias, novels and an assortment of non-fiction works. By the adjacent wall was the TV, framed by DVD racks. The couch looked comfortable with the bright, quilted blanket and several cushions. On the couch table sat a box of tissues and a small cactus, on the window sill a few more plants in coloured pots.

There were no paintings decorating the walls, but a collection of pictures. Many were scenic landscape pictures, though some had people in them too. However, it was the naked, white outline of a missing picture frame that drew Wordy's attention. He stepped closer, spotting a frame lying on top of the medium shelf, picture side facing down. A faint layer of dust had gathered on it.

He picked it up.

**...**

It was a group photo, obviously taken at some sort of off-duty event. A bunch of paramedics were smiling at the camera, dressed in blue shirts with a bold 26 printed on them and black shorts, arms slung over each others shoulders. And in their midst, right between a grinning Michael Loretz and an equally happy young man with wild brown curls, was Nina. She was beaming, looking young and carefree and relaxed.

"That's from the annual EMS softball game", Nina explained from the doorway.

Wordy looked up. Her glasses had disappeared, she'd brushed her hair and exchanged her blue socks for black ones with polka dots. Her eyes were on the picture in his hands, immeasurably sad.

"We came in fourth", she added softly. She pushed off the wall and moved closer.

"You look like you're having fun", he said carefully.

"Yeah. We did." Her voice was hollow, numb. She stared at the photograph for a moment and Wordy swore he could see tears gathering in her eyes even as her expression shuttered.

The kettle clicked loudly and Nina jumped, hurriedly excusing herself to ready that tea she'd promised.

Wordy watched her go, then carefully returned the picture to its place on the shelf. The reminder of her former shift mates, co-workers and friends obviously pained the blonde, so he hid the smiling faces, the radiantly _happy _Nina, once more by turning the frame face-down.

* * *

They ended up in the living room, mugs on the coffee table, vapour curling above them. Nina pulled her feet up as she settled in the corner of the sofa, looking at Wordy with a mixture of quiet dread and nervous anticipation.

"The kids love you", he said by way of broaching what he knew to be a difficult topic.

The blonde smiled. "They're great. You have a wonderful family, Wordy." She trailed off, now looking unsure, almost as if debating whether to say something more. Her fingers picked at the edge of the armrest.

After waiting a moment to see if she would continue on her own, he gently pressed: "What is it, Nina?"

Her teeth nibbled at her bottom lip and she pulled her legs closer to her body. A deep sigh left her. "I'm..." She broke off, twitched her shoulders in a helpless shrug. "My family was very different."

"That's okay." He considered for a moment before chancing it. "Things are complicated with your family, hm?"

The laugh that escaped her was completely devoid of humour. "Something like that", she admitted with a strain in her voice. " You know, my father, he wasn't around much until I was ten. And my mother... um... she was strict. When we didn't meet her expectations, she..." - she shook her head, words getting stuck in her throat - "we had to put in a lot of effort to get back in her good graces."

Wordy felt an uncomfortable swooping sensation in his stomach at that. A mother whose affection for her children was dependent on their obedience and ability to perform to her expectations? He didn't like the implications of that.

Nina caught his look and that sad, knowing smile crossed her face again. It was all the confirmation he needed, but she responded anyway. "I know." She picked up her mug and stalled a moment by taking a long sip before setting it down again. "Looking back I know what it was, but I didn't back then."

That he could understand. A child who had never known anything else probably wouldn't realise how wrong it was. Hating to ask, but needing to know, he carefully questioned: "Did she... hit you?"

It was a huge relief when she shook her head. "No. Sometimes a slap if we _really_ messed up, but that was it. She wasn't the physical type." She brushed her hair back with an absent-minded motion, pulling a pillow into her lap with the other hand.

Something about the way she had phrased her answer had Wordy thinking that other people in Nina's life _had _been the physical type. His head spun as he tried to process these new pieces of information while anger on her behalf stirred in his chest. Along with a mildly sick feeling when a few things - mainly Nina's reactions to certain people, situations and types of behaviour - began to make sense. The blank expression she'd worn in the face of an angry lecture from Ed or borderline cruel needling from Jules. The calm, hollow responses she had given, the automatic apologies and acceptance of blame even when it hadn't been her fault.

**...**

"It wasn't all that bad", the young paramedic continued, her voice still quiet and distracted as she was lost in thoughts and memories. "My brother and sister showed me the ropes so I didn't make the same mistake twice" - another bit of information that put things into perspective - "and..." She paused and frowned at a spot in the middle distance, somewhere beside the coffee table. "I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to." Wordy wanted her to understand that she didn't owe him anything. Not gratitude, not a favour in return, not even an explanation.

Her eyes flashed over to him and he had a hunch that she hadn't bothered hiding the flicker of surprise. Maybe she was just too tired. But maybe she also trusted him enough to allow herself this small vulnerability.

"You can stop at any time. I'll keep it to myself and never bring it up again if that's what you need."

She smiled a soft thank you and picked up the thread again. "My older siblings taught me the rules, my uncle helped me when I struggled with something and I learned to do and say the right things. And then I figured out ways to get around some rules or break them without anyone noticing."

Curiosity taking over, Wordy shifted to the edge of his seat. "What changed?"

She tugged at the neckline of her sweater. Tucked her knees under her chin, the pillow squished between her thighs and chest.

_Jesus, she's so young_, Wordy caught himself thinking again.

**...**

Her eyes dropped away to study her fingers that plucked at the seam of the pillow. "I made friends with the new kid in school. Cory's Dad was really nice to me and showed me that I had a choice." A soft smile spread on her lips. "My parents told me to stop being friends with him. But Cory was my first real friend outside of my cousins and neighbours, so I lied and made up excuses and continued to be friends with him."

"It-" Her voice flickered and took on a shaky quality. "It worked, for a while. By then, I knew what to say when I wanted my parents to let me do something. I just had to use the right arguments when explaining my idea and they'd buy it. Didn't matter if the reasons I gave them weren't the real ones."

Nina broke off and seemed to shrink in on herself even further, almost as if she were afraid of Wordy's judgement. It took him a moment, but then it hit him that this was exactly what it was. He leant forward, bracing his elbows on his knees, and resisted the urge to reach out and hug the young woman. Instead, he looked at her and said: "That was very brave." And he meant it.

"It was selfish", she mumbled with a small shrug even as the air of apprehension surrounding her bled away. "I just wanted something for myself. Something that...that my parents didn't dictate."

"It's okay to want that", he assured her. "It's natural, growing more independent. And it sounds to me that you didn't make friends with Cory to spite your parents."

She shook her head, blonde hair falling forward into her face. "No."

**...**

A stretch of contemplative silence followed. Emotionally drained and tired after a morning of playing with the three Wordsworth girls, Nina shifted so she could rest her head against the comfortable couch cushions. Her eyes stung, but she couldn't bring herself to close them, too aware of Wordy's presence and his thoughtful gaze on her. She suddenly wished she had her phone on her. Right now, she really could have done with somebody telling her that she was doing the right thing, that her impulsive decision to open up to Wordy wasn't coming back to bite her.

But her phone was on her nightstand so she settled for hugging the pillow, taking deep breaths and telling herself that it was alright.

"Nina?"

She couldn't contain the flinch. Her head turned as her eyes shot in the direction of Wordy's voice, which sounded a lot closer than it had before. He still sat at a slight distance, and was looking at her with a furrow of concern in his brow.

"Sorry", she stuttered out, "did you say something?"

He studied her for a moment longer before repeating himself: "Does the Commander know? Or the Boss?"

Nina tilted her head in a 'yes and no' fashion. "Holleran...knows some things", she said, forcing herself to relax. "He talked to my captain and Cap Oehler told him the basics. Cap, he...he was the first one I told the truth and he helped me a lot with" - she made a vague gesture - "everything. The Sarge..." Her bottom lip tucked under her teeth in thought. "I'm not sure. He might have an idea, but I know the Commander hasn't told him anything."

It went without saying that neither had she.

"Spike knows a few details because he had to dig for background information on Milo. But you're actually the first person I've told since- outside the guys at station 26."

Wordy smiled, warmth settling in his stomach at her admission. Carefully reaching out, he patted her knee and said: "I'm honoured. Thank you for trusting me with this. It can't have been easy."

"You...made it easier", the blonde offered, smiling at him.

* * *

The lull in conversation morphed into silence until Nina dropped her knees to sit with her legs crossed, the pillow still in her lap. "Wordy", she began slowly, choosing her words with care. "Were you- were you mad at me? For not telling you why I joined SRU?"

"No", he replied without hesitation. Catching her unconvinced look, he elaborated: "I was curious, sure, we all were. It was difficult because you're very hard to read and we didn't know anything about you. Plus the top-down decision sort of rubbed us the wrong way. So all that kind of stirred up into frustration which eventually boiled into annoyance." He paused, looking at Nina, who stared at the pillow in her lap, lips pursed.

Shaking his head, Wordy tried again. This wasn't a negotiation, he reminded himself sternly. This wasn't a subject he needed to talk down from a ledge. This was his colleague, who deserved an honest answer without obfuscation and creative wording. "I can't speak for the others and I'll try not to apologise for them or excuse what they- what we all did."

Nina's head lifted at his determined tone, caution mixing with intrigue. Her head tilted slightly to the side.

"I was frustrated at the lack of information. I...I think I was also a bit hurt that you wouldn't tell us anything about yourself" - he held up a hand - "I know I had no right to, but I'm so used to knowing everyone on the team that it threw me. That Holleran just placed you on the team without even explaining why he felt you'd be a good fit, it just added to it."

She looked at him, pensive. "I understand", she said quietly before amending: "At least I think I do." Her fingers tapped an irregular rhythm on the side of her mug and she was nibbling on the inside of her bottom lip again.

**...**

Wordy sipped his own tea as he waited for her to organise whatever thoughts were going through her head. His mind went back to the picture lying face down on the shelf. It wasn't too far-fetched to assume that the man with the curly hair next to Nina was her partner Benny. Ed had shared with them all what Nina had told him and Wordy could understand the guilt she so obviously carried with her from that accident.

But he couldn't help but wonder what had led to her switching to a completely different career like that. She didn't strike him as somebody who ran from problems or shied back from difficult situations. So what else had happened?

"I should be more open", Nina said softly, his attention immediately turning to her again. "I don't know why- At the 26, it took me a while, too." A soft smile flickered over her lips and she shook her head. "Milo used to joke about how it took me almost two months to tell him the scents of the air fresheners he liked to hang up in the bus bothered me."

"Really?"

She nodded, lips pursing sheepishly. "Yeah. Citrus or mint. Can't stand the smell of it. Milo was so upset when I finally told him. Asked me why I'd put myself through that instead of just saying something."

"It's a good question", Wordy said with a nod, eliciting a rueful huff from her.

"I know."

**...**

"I should have stepped in sooner", he eventually said. While Nina said she understood, he still felt the need to explicitly apologise.

Her hazel eyes flickered with comprehension and she shrugged. "Maybe", she acknowledged, "but you did eventually. That's what counts."

"It was too little, too late", Wordy maintained. He shook his head. "I wish I could tell you why I didn't say anything sooner."

She looked at him, a hint of sadness around the lines of her mouth. But her expression was calm and honest as she said: "Wordy, we both know that people don't always have a reason for everything. Yes, it hurt that nobody ever defended me or stood up for me. But I didn't exactly make it easy for you guys to like me. And I could and _should_ have stood up for myself. But I didn't."

The blonde took a deep breath, gaze still locked onto him, open and intense in its plea to be listened to. "I'm not angry with you. These past few weeks... you have been nothing but kind to me. I'm not going to forget what happened, but I don't hold it against you. Not when you've done everything to make things right."

He stayed quiet for a moment, digesting what she'd said. Nodding, he told her: "I still want to apologise."

A small smile played on her lips as she tilted her head.

"I'm sorry. For not realising how much pain you were in. For not standing up for you when Jules and Ed cut into you. For not telling Spike to tone it down with his pranks. You're a good person, Nina, and I'm sorry that we treated you worse than we treat our subjects. And with all you've told me today, I can't imagine just how terrible we've made you feel. So... if you want, I'd like to make a deal with you."

"A deal?" Curiosity swung in her tone, with a little confusion mixed in.

He nodded. "If I - or anyone from the team - make you feel uncomfortable or scared, or if something bothers you, you can tell me. I won't ask any questions if you don't want me to."

"Deal." Nina's smile was almost a glow. She cleared her throat. "But only if you promise not to tell the others about what I told you today. At least for now. I... I want to tell them myself when..."

"...when you're ready", he finished for her.

And that was how the third apology was accepted and the third connection formed.


End file.
